Log:Lira: Meditation Practice 3
After receiving a lesson in Jedi Meditation from the Sith Lord, Aryn Cortess, Lira returns to the Jedi Enclave.. and Qutha is less than pleased about her meeting with Aryn.
OOC Date: September 23, 2023 (Optional)
Location: Hidden Jedi Enclave, Nar Shaddaa
Participants: Lira'una, Qutha Buvu Pah
In the heart of the enclave, Lira sits cross-legged in the meditation chamber, her lekku draped gently over her shoulders. The room's inconsistencies, from the sporadic noise of the starport to the unpredictable fluctuations in temperature, constantly test her resolve. The flickering lighting throws dim shadows across her face as her breathing deepens, and she tries to sink into a focused trance.
Meeting Aryn Cortess again had both unsettled her and surprised her, like a stone thrown into a still pond, causing ripples of emotion she hadn't expected. The echoes of their conversation play in her mind, but she pushes them aside, focusing on her inner self. "There is no emotion. There is peace," she murmurs, each repetition an attempt to pull herself closer to serenity.
The thin cushion beneath her provides little comfort, but discomfort has become familiar in this chamber. It's a reminder of the discipline required, the physical manifestation of the challenges she must overcome. As the temperature shifts, she tightens the wrap of her robe around her, fortifying her body against the creeping cold.
Outside the chamber, footsteps echo faintly from the passages, a constant reminder of the life and movement just beyond these walls. But Lira tries to channel those distractions, transform them into further tests of her concentration.
Minutes stretch into hours, and the weight of her recent encounter with Aryn continues to press upon her. But with each whispered repetition, Lira moves closer to equilibrium. "There is no emotion. There is peace," she intones, the mantra becoming a lifeline, anchoring her amidst the storm of thoughts and feelings. The echoes of her efforts can be felt through the Force as she reaches out around herself, trying to focus on what parts of the Force she can touch.
Making his rounds, so to speak, the zelosian Jedi is at the head of a procession. A line of young porgs following the mystic while uttering squawks and bawks, bipping one another with their blunted muzzle like beaks or hopping to catch up. Oh Bother trails at the rear of the pack, warbling a little tune while periodically herding stragglers who've become distracted and are leaving the group.
"I'us like t'change it... There kin be 'motion... But they's also peace." voice carrying through the room on his approach towards Lira, hands folded behind his back and causing his cloak to bunch up around him where it gathers in the crooks of his arms. "But then I'us prefer th' mantras of the Guardians of The Whills to much of what th' Order done taught."
Settling down on the bare floor next to her cushion, quickly being covered in porgs jockeying for folds of his robes or his hood.
It was the pipping and the chattering and the squawking and the bawking of the porgs that caught Lira's attention first, one eye cracking open mid-mantra spot the approach of the Pied Zelosian leading his charges along with a quirk of a grin.
But then Qutha's speaking, and the Twi'lek girl's eyes lift further, up the length of his frame to watch his expression -- searching for something. Anger, perhaps, or disapproval. It seemed like she was checking Qutha for that a lot, these days. Much more than she'd ever planned on.
She doesn't speak until he's seated beside her, watching the porgs climb up him and offering a couple of her own lavender hands to them as perches, allowing them to climb her smaller, more diminutive frame in their quest for the absolute most comfortable perch. Even her lekku shift to make room for them on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Qutha... about earlier," Lira says after a little while, her voice soft and tempered. "I got frustrated. I lost my temper. And it was... inexcusable. I should have better control of my emotions by now. I would have, if I'd spend more time listening to you and less time trying to find easier ways to do things."
"Hush... Inexcusable..." shaking his head at the notion, Qutha's head tips back as he turns it to look at her but not full on, "Some aught're more 'mmotional then others. Deny y'se'f an y'us gonna get more frustrated. Gonna git resentful." watching some of the porgs now competing to climb the twi'lek girl where one begins cooing triumphantly from its seat within the Vaunted Hood of Destiny.
"More control've y'mmotions, mayhap. But y'still gonna have me." head tipping some when a shoulder seated avian begins tugging at his hair, "As f'listenin' t'me. Yer young, an I'm some ol' plant what thinks he knows much. S'gonna spell rebellion." one corner of his mouth higher than the other and his hands fold in his lap.
"As for woulder coulder... we'll see. Y'us keep at'r, reckon. Mayhap listen t'somme'r these lessons 'bout no judgin' yerse'f. Mayhap tryin'a 'member, th' Force has great plans f'you, Lira. Yer one wit' th' Force, n'the Force is wit' you... 'member that."
"You're some old plant that I respect more than anyone else in the galaxy," Lira counters, leaning to carefully nudge him with her shoulder. It jostles the porgs on her, making them squawk louder for a moment, but she laughs softly in reply.
Once she's straightened, she too folds her hands back into her lap, letting the little flightly birds settle where is their want on her and doing her best to sit still so they can get settled. "Thank you, Qutha. I wouldn't have made it this far without you."
For another moment, she just smiles at him, but then she closes her eyes and takes in a breath, blowing it out ever-so-slowly.
"I am one with the Force... and the Force is with me," she whispers.
Another breath.
"I am one with the Force... and the Force is with me."
Another breath. Even longer, this time, and something seems to... shift, about her. She stills more than Lira has ever stilled.
"There is no emotion," she says quietly. "There is peace."
She seems to wrap herself up in the Force, gathering it to her center as she stretches out around herself, enveloped in a bubble of sudden tranquility that, despite the porgs.. despite the noises.. despite the temperature shifts.. makes her smile ever-so-subtly.
"I was out walking after I left.. trying to clear my head, and I found Lady Aryn in Korrigan Park," she says softly, her voice almost dreamlike. "She's here, on Nar Shaddaa."
"I felt'r presence... She's been here a while." brow knit, quiet in the stillness she's finding. "Reckon she know's I's here too... But she's s'posed t'hunt me... reckon she's on orders t'seduce youngin's like you t'the dark side." mouth a tight line and a sadness rolling off of Qutha now.
"May'nt she'd not. May'nt she would. But I ain' gonna put'er in that position if I's can he'p it... She was one'r the ones who taught me." chin sinking towards his chest, the zelosian's voice drops some, "N'I wouldn' wanna put m'ver' bes' friend into that sort'a position." hands wringing in his lap and the BD unit sidling up to sit down, leaning against Qutha's side with a soft warbling sound.
"So's when y'think y'need t'be better in control'r y'er 'mmotions... Rem'mem'r, Bud... We all's hav'm. N'we'se all deal wit'em different."
"Don't," Lira says softly when Qutha mentions 'seducing youngins' -- it's a jump to Aryn's defense. It's enough to force her to release her hold on the peace she'd found, shaking her and making her sigh in frustration as it slips away from her.
She listens to the rest of what he has to say, though, looking up and over at him with a little shake of her head.
"It's not like that. She was helping me meditate. I told her I was struggling... and she taught me more about the Jedi Code. I didn't really understand what some of it meant, before. She explained it all, line by line, and helped me visualize what it's like... to be floating on a vast ocean... that every time you dive for an emotion like passion, or fear, or greed.. it's harder and harder to come back to the surface."
There's a pause, then, and a little smile.
"She's a good teacher." A beat, and her smile grow, a little hopeful playfulness dancing in her eyes, trying to lure Qutha away from the sadness. "Not as good as you... but, she helped me."
The exhalation from the zelosian is measured, and when his eyes open there is a dullness to he emerald quality, "She's Sith now... She's giv'n o'er to The Dark Side... n'she's more dangerous 'cause she knows the Jedi ways intimately better than aught th'other Sith I seen out there, 'cept maybe Harcourt."
The look he gives is long and studious, brows knitting, "Don' matter how nice she seems. No matter how polite. How wise. How good she kin be as a teacher... She's in th'sway th'Dark Side. One day, soon'r or later - she'll reach out. She's the queen'a Alderaan. She's a lifelong politician n'she's a ver'good one."
Qutha's expression becomes grim and sad, "So you stop defen'n her, y'hear? She knows yer'a learner. An she's earned your admiration... I'd dare say trust. Yer gonna gitcher guard down... at this rate." his features slipping to a deeper frown. "Please. F'once, jus' lis'sen to me, Lira. 'Stead of findin' out the hard way. I cain't stop y'from runnin' int' her outsid'a confinin' y'us to the Enclave like some sort'a pris'ner... N'I ain' gonna trap y'here... But you need to be on your guard when it comes to her.
It's the /Please. F'once, jus' lis'sen to me, Lira./ that does her in. She'd bristled, before, listening to Qutha explain that she was Sith and already mentally preparing her arguments... that she'd gone to Alderaan, that Aryn hadn't come looking for her, that she'd stumbled upon /her/ each time...
...she was pretty sure.
And it's there, on her face -- that teenager's desire to jump in and interrupt, barely held back by the respect she had for Qutha to let him finish without talking over him.
But it's that last part.
It seems to hit her almost like a blow, and it knocks the wind right out of whatever additional defense she was going to offer of Aryn's character.
She was doing it again -- not listening. The exact thing she'd literally just apologized for minutes ago. How was it possible that she cared about Qutha so much -- respected Qutha so much -- and yet spent so much time trying go defeat every single thing he tried to teach her?
For a moment, she was quiet, just watching the older Zelosian with a kind of torn look in her face. And then, almost as if to break the silence with a bit of physical comedy, one of her porgs slipped off trying to climb over her lekku and tried to topple off of her shoulder.
Instead, Lira caught the little guy in mid-air with a little turn of her hand, using the Force to guide him higher.. and for a moment, just letting him flap his little wings and pretend to fly, a smile smile touching her lips.
"Yes, sir," she says softly, letting her eyes drift back to Qutha. "You don't need to confine me. I'll listen to you... and stay away from her." A pause, then, as she guides the porg gently back to the ground. It, of course, immediately begins to climb again. If Lira wasn't careful, diving off of her was going to become a game. "I'm sorry, Master."
Her lips twist slightly.
"I know that you don't care for the honorifics.. but it helps me to remember, sometimes. I know you're my friend. Glo is my friend... I think. He's starting to be. But you're also my teacher, and you deserve more respect. I... take your kindness for granted, sometimes. It's my fault, and I'll do better."
"If she's on Nar Shaddaa, y'll run int' her 'gin... but she ain' yer friend. She's literally the opposite side've the balance in th'Force. N'Th' Dark Side wants that balance t'favor it... Like it has for fifteen years. Dislike't s'much as I've t'say it... when it comes down t'it... She's our enemy."
Qutha's heart visibly breaking to say it, hands twisting a fold of his cloak in his lap, "N'she's got you rarin' to come t'her defense when I tells you she's dang'rous."
The old zelosian doesn't lift his gaze toward's Lira's, eyes closing and his breathing becoming regular while emotions roil and billow around him like a storm, threatening to batter down his calm before the expression on his face breaks and melts away. A sort of peace smoothing out his features and in moments as he breathes in Qutha Pah bobs into the air, gently, the porgs immediately around him and Oh Bother lifting and beginning a lazy orbit.
"I's one wit' th' Force..." the words still shaky, "N'Th' Force is wit' me."
"But it's not her faul--"
Of course, the words are out of Lira's mouth before she even realizes that she's doing /exactly/ what Qutha's accusing her of doing -- rushing to Aryn's defense.
Just as she was stopping herself, Qutha was floating up into the air and beginning his mantra, trusting in the Force to calm him. It was a technique she hoped to hone. One that it was quickly becoming more obvious that she'd need sooner rather than later, given everything that was happening.
And so, even as Qutha settles into his own meditation, Lira decides simply to be quiet, herself, and practice beside him. Her eyes close, and she takes a breath, still unable to quiet her mind... still struggling not to /feel/ all the guilt from upsetting Qutha. Again. Still struggling to feel like she wasn't letting him down.
Still struggling to feel like she belonged here.
And so she focused as much as she could on the memory of the rain in the park. The way it all felt.. how vividly she could feel the Force flowing around her in those moments.
"She chose th' Dark Side... It t'weren't chosen for her. Fear f'her people. Fear f'her world. Greed t'keep control f'it's fate... Unwillin' t'turn it o'er to aught else... 'cause naught but Aryn could manage it... It ruled her n'it led to it bein' -her- fault... Lira." her name said with a rare stern edge. Qutha's peace wavering momentarily but he remains floating above the floor, cast on the currents of the Living Force.
"She's a lifelong pol'tician... Like I's said. She's a mas'er of gettin' others t'gree wit' her. T'come t'her defense. T'choose her side. N'in politics, som'n need's t'know when t'give... n'give 'gin... So's the person they's wanna take from ain' hardly need be asked..."
His attention like a pressure in the force now bending towards Lira in full while she attempts to find her own peace and perhaps it's a pointed use of a word that comes when his voice rises again, "Med'tate on that, young'n. She may've given proper lessons. Jedi lessons. But sh'ain't no Jedi no more... But she know's how's t'get y'guard down." a slow inward breath, "Fin' y'er peace... Reach out t'th' Force... and think on this 'cause th' Force'll give ye insights. Show yer things." his voice becoming an emanation in the force partway through, his focus and will moving through the energy fields. "Med'tate n'learn how's t'guard y'self from Th' Dark Side, 'cause it don't come like a wind. It comes like roots've a weed, nestl'd on th'edge of the garden. Twistin' into the good growth. Sinkin' in... and before you realize it... t's'all yer growin'... if y'ain't watchin."
Lira's eyes had opened again when Qutha began to speak again, but they dipped to the ground in front of her when her name was said so... pointedly. It sent a shiver across her skin, and it kept those blue eyes locked onto the ground, her lips set in a line.
She tried to control her breathing as she listened, lavender fingers tangling together and squeezing in her lap self-soothingly as her lekku curled a little more tightly around her shoulders.
"Yes, sir. I will," is all she offers, her voice quiet. Her eyes sink closed, though it's not immediately clear if it's to try to meditate or just to... hide. Her presence seems smaller, but that may only be because it seemed like she wished she could somehow melt into and become one with the floor.
The porgs, still climbing on and around her, tumble a bit at times or coo or squawk at her. That, at least, doesn't seem to bother her. If anything, it seemed to offer her some measure of comfort to have the creatures on her.
A nod and Qutha's feet come to rest on the ground beneath him, eyes opening and the porgs that had been floating around him slowly coming to rest on the floor, making to move in a column with the mystic.
"I's needs t'rest now... n'think." if he'll find himself with a blade drawn against an old friend. If worse could happen. "Think on this... seek yer peace, try t'fin' a path in the chaos." leaning to rest a hand on her shoulder for a heartbeat, "I know's y'kin... E'n if'n it seems impossible wit' all y'got goin' on in y'us head now... But calm will come. Serenity, n'knowledge."
And he is moving, headed for the sleeping quarters at a slow pace, the porgs not enamored with Lira following in the zelosian's wake.
