Log:Lira: Meditation Practice 1
Lira tries to learn meditation, but loses her cool and storms out
OOC Date: September 21, 2023
Location: Hidden Jedi Enclave, Nar Shaddaa
Participants: Lira'una, Qutha Buvu Pah, Lyglo
In the Meditation Chamber of the hidden Jedi enclave, Lira tries to center herself amidst the deliberate distractions. The subtle whirring and chatter from the starport filters into the room, the inconsistent murmurs vying for her attention. She positions herself on one of the thin cushions, shifting uncomfortably as she attempts to find a balanced spot on the uneven ground. The flickering light causes her shadow to dance erratically on the walls, each movement pulling at the edge of her concentration.
She draws a deep breath, trying to channel the things Qutha's taught her and to tap into the vast expanse of the Force, but every time she feels a connection, a sudden change in temperature pulls her out. The warmth gives way to cold drafts that send chills up her spine, making her shiver involuntarily. She hears footsteps echoing from one of the passages, the sound growing louder and then fading, adding yet another layer to the cacophony of disturbances.
Closing her blue eyes tightly, Lira wills herself to push through, to filter out the distractions, and to meld her consciousness with the Force. But, today, it eludes her. After what feels like hours, she finally opens her eyes in frustration. The soft hue of her lavender skin appears a shade darker, a manifestation of her irritation.
With a sigh of defeat, Lira rises from the cushion.
Floating besides her, Qutha remains seated despite being suspended in air, swaying with the air currents and even rotating slowly with his hands resting palm down on his knees.
When his voice comes, it comes through the Force, rather than from his lips.
"Every distaction's a lesson... 'mem'er that." the man clearly drifting on the currents of that invisible energy field, looking utterly at peace while he drifts. Conscious but not at the same time. "Frustration'll come, but don' get angry... al'us rem'mem'r t'breath... No breath... no life. N'th' Force connects all livin' things."
The faintest of smiles forming on his face.
"Ugh... I just /can't/ ," Lira complains, for the first time in a while actually sounding her age -- like a petulant child that wasn't getting her way. Lavender fingers come up to her face, rubbing at the ridge of her brow.
"I'm not /built/ for this. I've /never/ been able to do this. I can sit and stare at a stream for /hours/ and not be any closer to whatever inner peace I'm supposed to be feeling. Then there's all the noises.. and the footsteps.. and you're just floating there and talking inside my head like it's /normal/ ..."
She blows out a frustrated breath, her lekku twitching in irritation.
"I hate-- ugh, I don't /hate/ --I /really/ dislike this. Can't I just... go dance? That's meditative. Sort of. At least, it makes me not care about the rest of the stuf..."
Speaking aloud now, as he must focus more on the conscious world, Qutha's voice is faint but carrying while he continues to bob softly, floating mid-air with his eyes shut but moving as if in the depths of deep sleep,
"Y'not built f'this 'cause y'say y'isn't... I'us an orchardist. I'us built f'tendin' trees, pickin' fruit, n'keepin' clear of the Night Beasts... Then I's found I'us built f'livin' as a Jedi..." the hovering figure rotating still, but that movement halting when he is roughly facing the twi'lek, "Y'us been wit' us less'n half'a year... It takes time. Patience." it's a movement as slow as if dragging under water when his head tilts to one side.
"Could I learn th'trapeze in a week? How's 'bout fire dancin'?" head canting the other way and the faint grin becoming for fixed now, "Y'kin go back t'what's f'miliar when y'kin git'r grasp of the new..."
Wandering into the meditation chamber stretching and yawning slightly. Spotting Qutha and Lira he stops short, he says nothin. Lyglo leans against a wall and merely watches the exchange between the two
Lira purses her purple lips, her blue eyes cutting to the side to watch the floating Zelosian display his seeming infinate patience as he worked on trying to get through that teenage frustration with... ew... logic.
"I can tend trees," she argues. "Maybe I should be an orchardist. I love your family. I could go live with them. You be a Jedi -- you're good at it -- and I go pick fruit with a bunch of really nice people. Everybody wins."
Of course, the soft sigh she blows out after suggests that she really does know that none of that is actually an option.
Well, it is. It's not not a very good option.
"No. You couldn't," she mutters quietly. Sometimes it was hard for her to remember how many years she'd been doing those things. Years. As in.. most of the time she's been alive.
And then there's that decree. She wasn't /allowed/ to run back and hide in the familiar. So, she flops back down onto the pillow unceremoniously -- and a little grumpily -- and folds her legs back in front of her, resting her hands on her thighs.
Her eyes close again, and as she takes in a deep breath, her head turns fractionally towards Qutha.
"You're not a nice person," she grumps, though there's just the faintest hint of a curl at the corners of her lips that she takes a moment to control, once more trying to re-center herself and clear her mind. It was hard enough for her to get her /own/ thoughts out of the way to quiet herself.. much less all of the /rest/ of the noises. And she hadn't even noticed Glo.
"No. Reckon' not. I's a mean ol' plant, out here takin' out my dat'raddid confoundery on meat people who done crossed the wrong paths n'trod on m'roots..." drifting slowly back to the bare floor now as he continues to speak, brow briefly furrowing but his eyes remaining stubbornly closed while he works on his breathing.
Needing to put more focus on the now and less to all else it seems.
"Breath... n'listen t'world 'round you. Th' Force is in all've it. Er'y grumble, stumble, rock fall and mutter." a long breath being taken and his skin seems to green a little darker for a second, "T'ain' distraction... Tis the language've the galaxy, of er'thing. Grab'n let'r pulls you along. Once y'stop swimmin' 'ginst the current, y'll see where she'll take ye."
He tries, boy does he ever try, and he almost succeeds, but at the last second he can't stop himself from laughing loudly at Lira's antics. And then he's hearing Qutha and he's realizing that he's literally just interrupted and alerted to his presence. The young Mirialan tries to rapidly take his leave, maybe the blue skinned Violet eyed young man can sneak out and away? Perhaps, one can hope right? And that's when he pushes away from the wall and does indeed try to sneak passed without incident, hands clapped over his mouth in embarassment.
Lira draws in a breath, trying to focus -- to breathe. Rocks. Swimming. Current. Flow... floating along. Getting pelted with rocks. So many rocks. Why are there so many rocks? THIS ISN'T EVEN A ROCKY WORLD. WHERE DO THE ROCKS COME FR--
Then there's laughter, and Lira sags forward, catching herself on her hands, though she moves with the kind of floppy fluidity that suggests she somehow lacked bones.
"Stalker."
The word comes out loud and sharp, but the context -- and the way Lira turns her head and cuts her eyes towards him with a little grin -- suggests she didn't /actually/ mean it.
"Why don't you come try it, if you think it's so funny?"
With one hand, she reaches out and plucks a cushion off the ground, floating it over beside her and then patting the top of it.
"Come on. Put your money where your mouth is," she insists. Which is probably not the best teaching technique... she should /probably/ be leaving the whole instruction thing to Qutha instead of just baiting one of the other students, but this is Lira we're talking about.
That done, though, she does take another breath and try.. again.. to steady herself.
Lira draws in a breath, trying to focus -- to breathe. Rocks. Swimming. Current. Flow... floating along. Getting pelted with rocks. So many rocks. Why are there so many rocks? THIS ISN'T EVEN A ROCKY WORLD. WHERE DO THE ROCKS COME FR--
Then there's laughter, and Lira sags forward, catching herself on her hands, though she moves with the kind of floppy fluidity that suggests she somehow lacked bones.
"Stalker."
The word comes out loud and sharp, but the context -- and the way Lira turns her head and cuts her eyes towards him with a little grin -- suggests she didn't /actually/ mean it.
"Why don't you come try it, if you think it's so funny?"
With one hand, she reaches out and plucks a cushion off the ground, floating it over beside her and then patting the top of it.
"Come on. Put your money where your mouth is," she insists. Which is probably not the best teaching technique... she should /probably/ be leaving the whole instruction thing to Qutha instead of just baiting one of the other students, but this is Lira we're talking about.
That done, though, she does take another breath and try.. again.. to steady herself.
Seated, expression wooden (hah), the zelosian's head tilts towards the direction of the fleeing Lyglo and he reaches out without moving otherwise. Like grasping fingers seeking to rest on the mirialan's shoulder, looking to slow his departure if not stop it.
"Ayuh... come. Sit an' learn... s'why y'er here in Rey's enclave n'not on one of the ships al'us in hyperspace..." traveling the cosmos to keep ahead of Kessa's empire while a small few remain in places like this. Hidden away. Out of reach.
Emerald eyes opening as Qutha lifts off of his cushion, momentarily, to slowly turn so he can sit back down to face them both once Lyglo has decided he he stays or if he continues his flight.
"May's well begin lessons, reckon."
Lyglo does stop as he turns and looks to Lira. "Meditation, i can do it, I just you know dont." He chuckles but as Qutha speaks he does bow his head and heads back he does sit crossing his legs closing his eyes, trying to tune the things out and connect to the force. Admittedly here it seems a little more difficult than it had been for him in the past.
"I /don't/ because I /can't/ ," Lira grumps at Glo, her eyes still closed... because apparently she thought witty quips were going to somehow help her center herself and focus.
She sighs softly.
"Not can't," she concedes, cracking one eye open to look pointedly at Qutha. She'd at least taken /part/ of the lesson to heart. Stop with the can't. Focus on learning. "..I just haven't figured it out. Yet."
Okay. Time for quiet. Focus.
Rocks.
Stream.
Swimming.
Deep breath in.... deep breath out.
"S'right... Ain't no can't. Just not yet... Same's as they's no try. They's do it, or don't."
His voice is coming from all around, rather than directly from the Zelosian's lips as he takes another breath and lifts into the air like a fishing bobber in a calm pond. Floating steadily as he radiates peace from his very being and out to everyone around his vicinity.
"Don't think' 'bout aught. Don' look f'images or things y'fin' peaceful... Just be. Let it all flow o'er y'us and let 'er take y'long the path. Y'us can't grasp f'peace. Y'can only cast y'net an' know when's tuggin'... so's you can letcher self be carried along."
Almost two decades of this, the acknowledged Mystic of the order back in his 'zone' so to speak, communing with the learners as much as with the Force itself - looking utterly, and likely aggravatingly, serene.
Lyglo takes a deep breath again. "Right serenity, peace, tranquility." He whispers as he slowly falls into a peaceful and serene meditative state, yes Lyglo has indeed connected....for now....for how long though is anyone's guess. His breathing has become deep and calm, fluidlike almost.
Another deep breath in.. another deep breath out.
Lira moistens her lips as she listens to Qutha. Ain't no try. Just do it.
Do it.
No happy thoughts. No thoughts. Definitely don't think about not thinking. That's probably just as bad as thinking about thinking about not thinking, which is a double-downed reverse bad thought process.
Cast a net. Into the stream. To catch a fish.. no.. a rock. A rock fish.
That would be funny looking.
Or maybe it's just a fish that lives in the rocks.
And the people that lived there decided to give it a stupid name.
Fishing sucks. It's boring. You just sit there and stare at the water all day... like on Tempes. Qutha was fishing. Oh Bother was there. She hadn't seen Oh Bother in a while. Was Qutha keeping him locked on his ship? Come to think of it, she hadn't seen Qutha's ship in a while, either! Or eaten any of the fruit he was growing..
That whole thing with Jacen really took her away for a while.. she felt.. disconnected from everything.
Especially Qutha.
Maybe they should go back to Zelos II. The orchard was nice. It was peaceful there. Except for the night beast things that would rip you in half if you stayed out past dark, like some creepy horror movie.
She'd rather be facing night beasts than sitting here.
This was awful.
STOP. Yes, he /said/ nothing peaceful.. so night beasts definitely qualify. But he also said no thoughts.
How do you have no thoughts? That's.. not a thing. She'd never had no thoughts. Not once, ever, in her life.
Maybe Qutha's on drugs?
Maybe she should be on drugs.
She's a Jedi. She can't be on drugs. Drugs are probably against the Jedi Code, even if they're not specifically mentioned.
This sucks.
"Yer thinkin'..."
Qutha's voice emanating into the minds of Lira and Lyglos. Still floating above the bare floor and his robes drifting around with him, rather than hanging like curtains from his levitating person.
"Yer mind's as jumped up as a honey-bug hive when they's had a Sweetsnout's tongue goin' through'er... Y'mind may al'us be chaos... but it's finin' y'peace in the chaos. They's may not be order, but they's a flow. Er'one has they's one." the thoughts very clearly focused on Lira while he speaks to both.
No comparisons to one from the other. No look how this one is doing, be like them. Merely acknowledgement and advice.
Lyglo floating that's what this feeling was floating. Nothing around him, and everything around him, part of all and yet himself. Lyglo's entirety was now calm and serene his breathing deep and steady, his focus unwavering as he progresses through the meditation. He focuses on nothing because he's centered, centered and even, nothing here to cause worry or distress, just the blank space of a clear and peaceful mind.
Yes, I'm thinking. Of course I'm thinking. I told you, I can't /not/ think. I don't know how, and thinking about not thinking is only making me think about how I can't not think about thinking! . .
Lira's eyes pressed closed a little tighter. Her jaw tightened a little more. Outwardly, it might have physically looked like she was 'straining to relax,' but inside, that storm of emotions was growing faster than it was receding. . .
I'm not built for this. I've never been good at any of it. I'm just some stupid circus freak that got something she wasn't supposed to have, and now I'm wasting everyone's time sitting here trying to think of nothing, and I'm just going to end up embarrassing Qutha. I should have stayed on Socorro with Jacen and Sabra.
Not that he wanted me there, either. Every time I thought he might... I was wrong.
It's ironic. My whole thing is family and... and I can't even do that right. . .
A couple of tears fall from Lira's eyes, and she reaches up to wipe them away silently. Her glassy blue eyes open to find Glo in his easy meditation, and she nods to herself like she was coming to some sort of conclusion in her mind. Judging from the glint in her eye, it was one that sounded a lot like either, "I was right. It's just me," or "He'd be a better Padawan, anyway."
But she doesn't voice either of them. Instead, refusing to meet Qutha's eyes, she wipes at her tears and turns to start towards the exit of the enclave.
"I'm sorry. I need a break," she mutters, her lekku curling up around her shoulders.
"Knowin' when t'step 'way's just as important."
Regardless of where she chooses to look, his presence and 'sight' is all over in the room but levied most strongly on Lira's presence.
"Yer no bett'rn worse than he is. Some find peace sooner'n others. Some find other talent's sooner'n others. You're no less for it... beware pride, Fear's preenin' cousin, Lira. Especially Pride dressin' 'self up as worry of rejection... f'not bein' good 'nuff..."
Head canting as the floating Jedi continues his quiet rotations, "'member what I toldja... th' Force didn' pick you f'nothin'."
Lyglo keeps his breathing steady as he hears what's going on around him. He doesn't like that Lira feels this way, but he knows all he can do for her is to be a friend, a comrade, someone she can trust and confide in. He remains quiet nodding only slightly, to show he's heard what's going on.
Lira stops, just for a moment, her blood boiling.
If it had been /anyone/ other than Qutha.. literally anyone.. the steam building up behind her ears might have unleashed into a torrent of visceral complaints and self-deprecating remarks all released with the singular purpose of blowing off that ever-mounting frustration.
But it was Qutha.
And so the words sink past that barbed outer layer, as much as she didn't want them to. Hope fills her a little more than anger. Qutha hadn't lost faith in her, even after today, and even though she might nod have wanted to accept it.. it was truth.
Without turning back, she nodded quiet acceptance.
Nothing brash from the girl. No running away or turning in her robes. Just.. some time.. not being frustrated. Maybe she'd go back to the circus for a little while and sit.. try to remember there were things she /was/ good at.
