Log:Zhu Yan and the Terrors of Teras-Kasi!
A showdown. We all knew it would come to a showdown.
OOC Date: July 20, 2022
Location: Jedha
Participants: Cora Das, Galen Dawnstar, Hadrix Kora, Kohnner, Nerys Greystorm, Zhu Yan as Self/GM
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
THE LOBBY OF THE GRAND IMPERIAL HOTEL, XIAOJIN, JEDHA
12:47PM LOCAL TIME
The streets were LITTERED with the collapsed (or still collapsing!) and groaning gi'd up students of the TERROR FIST DOJO, having had their SITHSPIT WRECKED by the assembled team of ZHU YAN and his TERAS-KASI TEAMMATES. The HERO OF THE HOUR had come to METAPHORICAL and LITERAL BLOWS with the ideology of these Teras-Kasi crooks, leaving the lesser numbers of the dojo IN NEED OF MEDICAL ATTENTION!
Let me paint the scene the only way I can, WITH WORDS!
- The ORNATE HOTEL LOBBY consisted of a CHECK-IN desk directly to the front, with holonet handsets, terminals, paper stacks, and room keys!
- To the left was the HOTEL BAR, full of all sorts of SEMI-PRICELESS ARTWORKS and MODERATELY OVERPRICED DRINKS!
- In the right wing was the RESTAURANT, currently abandoned out of SHEER FEAR and full of tables, cutlery, frying pans, cooking implements, and CANDLES!
- Behind the check-in desk was a LONG STAIRCASE that led to ELEVATORS, and the LEFT AND RIGHT WINGS of the hotel! It was positively FESTOONED with artwork for display, and POTTED PLANTS!
And, upon that staircase in a motley collection of BLACK TERAS-KASI GIS and FORMAL WEAR laired...
THE TERRORS OF TERAS-KASI!
Clad in only the finest yellow tracksuit and red headband, ZHU YAN kicked in the DOUBLE DOORS that permitted entrance to the GRAND IMPERIAL HOTEL. Waiting for him MENACINGLY on the AFOREMENTIONED STAIRS stood the LEADERS of the TERROR FIST DOJO, a motley band of VILLAINS and NE'ER DO WELLS that had been CAUSING HAVOC across Xiaojin! Few in number, but EXCEPTIONAL in SKILL, they were the true test of our TERAS-KASI CONQUERORS, and for dramatic effect they matched ZHU YAN's party in number EXACTLY!
"Your Teras-Kasi is weak, Yan of Family Zhu!" declared FIENDISH LO ZHAN, leader of the dojo, his bald head and black gi gleaming in the TASTEFUL OVERHEAD LIGHTS! "I will enjoy beating up you and your pathetic allies!"
"I will not stand by and allow this TERAS-KASI TREACHERY to continue!" roared Yan of Family Zhu in badly translated Ancient Jedhan, pointing a finger forwards threateningly! "Prepare yourselves! I am going to beat you up with the power of my superior style, CORTESS FIST!" He assumed his fighting stance, goofy footed and leading with his right, as his Teras-Kasi relied on overwhelming power tactically delivered from his CYBERNETIC LEFT ARM!
No one tell Doctor Cortess.
[ Kohnner (Chon)]
Chon Kohnner, who had made a name for himself among some of the riftraft of the Galaxy such as Comrade Dogface... so on and so forth. Had moved throught the streets of Jedah without more than a low growl. His limp, favoring his left leg as his right one was a bit longer being replaced with a robotic appendage, perhaps making him a target.
Good...
He bated his enemy, allowing them to stock him, keeping the hood of his tattered and torn white cloak up over his head. Finally he had been surrounded in a back alley.
It was over in seconds. Broken bones, screaming gang members. Kohnner then left to join the rest of the team and enter the hotel along with the others. His cloak swayed a bit even as he stopped, head down, hood obscuring everything but the white sharp teeth of his over-bitten maw. He growled lowly.
[ Cora Das (Cora)]
Zhu Yan and his Teras-Kasi Teammates. Certainly a... rag-tag group of galactic miscreants if there ever was a rag-tag group of galactic miscreants, and yet, one of them doesn't seem to quite... belong. In fact, this particular humanoid (being dragged along by a gang of mooks towards the hotel lobby) is rather insistent about that fact.
"Listen, guys, this is some kind of misunderstanding! I've... I've never even -heard- of Drew Lan before. I'm on Jedha for a research mission. Surveys of sand-dunes and the local fauna that inhabi--AUGH!"
The augh is because Cora Das, dressed in what looks to be a set of modified light armor, is being thrown roughly towards the ground. She splashes hands first, palms scraping across the carpet of the hotel lobby with a sharp little yelp and a subsequent whimper.
"CORA DAS LIES. WE HAVE SEEN HER. TWO-FACED AND SILVER TONGUED, BUT UNCONVINCING ALL THE SAME," one hisses. Cora gives a little squeak and starts to scoot her butt backwards, dragging herself by her hands and scraping fingernails against carpet in a desperate ply at escape. "No, this is a misunderstanding, I've... I'm here on...!" she starts to protest.
"THEN MAKE THIS EASY, FLESHLING!" they screech and bring a heavy foot DOWN towards Cora Das' chest! Oh no!
Self preservation protocols: activated.
Defense systems: online.
Initiating emergency consciousness override.
Cora Das' face softens as her eyes adjust to the downward drop of that boot. She grasps it, twists with a crack, and brings mook #1 down to the ground. A quick drop of her own boot to the back of the head means nighty night. Three quick strikes of that modified armor show exactly what it's good for, anyway: pawnchin'. Whack. Whack. Whack. The first two crack armor, the last?
Yeah, (Cora) Das a bone, baby.
[ Nerys Greystorm (Nerys)]
When Zhu Yan called and the first words out of his mouth were, 'Hit the ground running,' you had better believe Nerys did just that. A flying leap out of their clearly extravagant and ornate conveyance, because of course they would show up in the height of taste and fashion (what sort of show did you think Zhu Yan was running (this is a total lie)) lead to a running tumble as she came up behind one of the students of the Terror Fist Dojo.
At least she hoped that was so. Perhaps these few unfortunates had simply had a bad wardrobe day and were innocent bystanders. But who even are innocent bystanders, am I right? So, in flew Nerys with the one-two punch, the grabbing of a sandwich board to use as a blunt object, and the improvised shank when the wood, cheap a particle board, so disappointing, splintered in her hand.
As the verbal stand off between Zhu Yan (He's the Man!) and Cortess Fist rent the air, Nerys looked up from where she had been trying to not so subtly stuff a man in a receptacle he surely should not have fit in with a few well placed kicks.
"Always when I'm working." Sorry buddy, she'd have to stomp you later.
Another bound and Nerys crash-banged her way into the hotel lobby. She probably should have dropped that receptacle lid before she started her roll.
Was there a Take 2? She would totally kill it on a Take 2.
[ Hadrix Kora (Had)]
What in space was happening?
A tray with plates OVERLOADED WITH DELICIOUS DELICACIES SOLD AT EXHORBITANT PRICES in hand when people began to flee and then others came storming about shouting threats and challenges.
<"What the kriff?"> He was just about to make for where he could EAT. Because all know that the true legend of Al'Verde Kora is his boundless need to consume great, and gratuitous, quantities between his EXAGERATED PT BOUTS. But there's Space Dog and Zhu and... <"But I was about to EAT!">
With his helmet on? Would it have been taken off? WOULD TENDER ROASTED MEATS SOAKED IN HERBS AND SPICES HAVE BEEN SHOVED THROUGH THE VOCALIZER GRILL TO MEET IT'S END IN HIS FLAPPING JAWS!? Impossible to tell now, but he's upset. He can't eat, especially when a 'local contract' alert appeared on his HUD. Drawing him in to the lobby, looking from Yan's crew to the aggressors. Then to his food. His precious food. Can he save it? Will he save it!? WILL THERE BE DESERT!?
[ Galen Dawnstar (Galen)]
Brown hooded cloak covers the form of Galen the Dantooine Ranger makes his way towards the hotel with the rest of this rag-tag group of misfits and fighters. "Listen it's not too late for you lot to surrender. You're outmatched and outmaneuvered..." His hands held out in front of him open and non threatening as he tries to talk the mooks in front of him down. But the one behind him had other ideas as they sneak up behind Galen with a baton raised bringing it down towards him with much gusto...
Is this it for Galen of Dantooine?
The deft dodge grasp and pivot of the man as he springs to action would imply that it is not in fact the end for Galen as the baton slams into one of the mooks in front of him and the mook that was holding it ends up taking the other one down with him there's a shrug from Galen as he steps over their moaning bodies, "I did try to give you the option to end it." And in the hotel the hooded and cloaked figure goes.
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
FIENDISH LO ZHAN, threw his head back in laughter, though the noise came a second after was expected! "HA HA HA HA HA!" He leaped and pirouetted through the air from a sitting position, landing right in front of ZHU YAN! "Now we fight!"
Against Chon Kohnner and with no shortage of visible scorn rose SIR BUHF DAN DEE, a shirtless gleaming hunk of oiled masculine perfection, his long golden locks of perfect hair accented by the hint of tastefully-applied eyeliner! To his opponent, only a sniff of DISDAIN. "Pathetic wretch!" His voice was the GENTLE TIMBRE of an ALTO SINGER and his laugh was the CONDESCENSION of a NOBLEWOMAN. "Bark for me, hound! Do ho ho ho ho!"
Confronting Cora Das was LADY KYUH OF FAMILY PHO! An unassuming woman fully clad in an exceptionally fine silk robe, holding a closed paper fan, her demure-ness cannot hide the menace in her eyes! "Greetings, opponent," she stated with the POLITENESS of FALSEHOOD, her ILL-INTENT betrayed by her HONEYED WORDS, "may our bout be graceful and refined."
Nerys Greystorm, the ever-faithful protagonist, was presented with MON IMAKA, clad in the finest Coruscanti threads credits could buy, his FAKE VENEERS and CRASH-HELMET HAIRSPRAYED HAIR glinted threateningly in the downlights! "Hey baby! After I beat you up I'm gonna treat you to a nice dinner!" BWING went his teeth glint! "And we're gonna talk about feelings because THAT'S WHAT YOU CHICKS LIKE!"
Hadrix Kora would receive perhaps the most dangerous opponent of all, SHAH DEDEPUDE, a BESPECTACLED NERD barely out of his teens, his buck teeth hide WIRY MUSCLES and SINUOUS FLEXIBILITY! "I mean, okay, look, it's fun, and all, but I'm gonna make this quick." He bore the attitude of a BORED TEENAGER, the mark of a TRUE PRODIGY. "I've got homework to do."
The stone wall of Galen Dawnstar was confronted by the old hermit SOLITUDE JIN, his advancing age and withered size no hindrance to his PRODIGIOUS TALENT! The cane he used to aid in his day-to-day activity was MERELY A DECOY, for he was PERFECTLY CAPABLE of GREAT ATHLETIC FEATS! "I didn't leave the Great Dust Plains for a bad fight, sonny! Show me your power!"
Somewhere in the distance, a gong went off.
BEGIN!
Appropriate: https://youtu.be/vyuUcTewmBI or https://youtu.be/MOOXRR2hiEU
Dissonant: https://youtu.be/QHpU0ZfXZ_g
[ Kohnner (Chon)]
Kohnner doesn't look up, nor pull back his hood. There is simply an even breathing from that pudgy canine nose of his and a low growl from between his sharp teeth. There is no reaction as Sir Buff taunts the Klatoinian. A long moment after Buff finishes Chon waits before stepping forwards towards the shirtless and sweaty metro-sexual. His steps increase in pace until he speeds up, cloak flowing behind him, dipping down and giving a low sweeping kick. Easily dodged, but what Sir Buff didn't see coming was the rising twirl into a strike at his Toros sending him flying back. Alas, the follow up kick missed as Sir Buff was too busy trying to stay out of reach of his next attack.
Kohnner came back into what could be called a cat stance, a bit loose and not to stiff. "Woof Mother Kriffer..."
[ Cora Das (Cora)]
The unconscious body of Goon #2 drops cartoonishly to the ground, and when the proverbial dust settles, Lady Kyuh of Family Pho is emerging from within. Cora Das is no longer the same scared little explorer that was being dragged by her breastplate into the hotel lobby. No, this is the hardened visage of a -warrior-. Or, okay, not a warrior. An operative, but it's fine. When her opponent bows, Cora cocks her head to the side. Ocular mechanisms whirr behind ocean blue irises, and she finally turns to look at Yan and the opponent he is engaged with.
"I thought you said this was tomorrow."
Was it supposed to be tomorrow?
A quick glance is given to Nerys, Kohnner, Hadrix, and Galen before Cora falls forward with sudden inertia and begins to strike. But Lady Kyuh is fast! Graceful! Twirls and dips and little spins see her deftly (and narrowly in some cases) avoid Cora's hail of strikes. The final strike crunches her first into a corded holonet handset, severing it from its housing. She lifts it up and gives it a few little flips in her hands, checking its weight.
"You move quite gracefully. I promise to do my best to avoid blunt trauma to the head and neck region."
[ Nerys Greystorm (Nerys)]
Oh Frabjous Day! Nerys loved it when the opponents picked themselves. "You are losing some seams tonight, my friend." Nerys leapt away from her starting point, hopping up on a bellhop's trolley, skimming past MON IMAKA as her fist parted out, three quick strikes at the Fancy Man's head.
Bink! Bink! Bink!
Right off that helmet head.
"I have got to get the name of your stylist," Nerys actually sounded delighted as she leapt, swinging herself around, the cart twirling with her before she let go, flying towards the lobby's well-appointed (free holowifi and free holofax (but only three pages max)!) business center, crash landing on one of the plush office chairs, which, alas, was surely dollar store as it crumpled beneath her less than prodigious weigh. But no mater, as Nerys kicked out, flipping up the five-wheel rolling base and tucked it into her hand like a demented (but imminently rolly) shield and spiked (except their were no spikes, only WHEEL!) combination. "Now you're in for it."
[ Hadrix Kora (Had)]
What?
Wh-WHAT!?
Shah earns a look from the visored helm of the Mandalorian being told he'll be put down fast due to go do homework.
WHAT!? This planet is so damned odd. These people are worse. Stanger still is his need to put one foot forward an a unneeded heel stomp that makes thin carpet ripple and an inordinate amount of dust shoots out in prolonged geysers from either side. Left hand back, balancing the tray on his left hand and his right shooting out to point at the kid.
<"I'LL BE USING YOUR BOOKS FOR MY NEW DINING TABLE!">
WHAT!?
Lunging forward, balancing his platter, still, his right hand crunching fingers into the thin densiplast housing of a printer. A ream of paper spraying in an arch about and above him with the grind of bolts snapping and a power cable going momentarily taught before it breaks free of the machinery itself.
<"HEAR THAT MUSIC PLAYING?!"> a strike against the side of the nerd before the massive mandalorian rears back, voice diametrically quiet to his prior bellows. <"It's a paper jam..."> toner sprays like black fireworks in the uppercut strike angled to send Shah hurtling towards the restaurant.
And his food? unspilled, so far.
[ Galen Dawnstar (Galen)]
With a heavy sigh Galen just nods as he unclasps his cloak he lets it fall to the ground behind him, "You should have stayed back on those plains old man. Don't go cryin to granny when you break a hip." As the cloak finishes it's flutter to the ground he reaches over to grab the gas lift of an office chair before he tests it's heft and begins a slow spin around his body with it, "Last chance to go back to your retirement home gramps." And at that he springs to action and by action he swings this dodgy little short sword thing at Solitude crashing into chairs, ornamentation and everything else but the dodgy old man, "Stand still and let me hit you old man!"
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
ZHU YAN
PUNCH! BLOCK! PARRY! THRUST! GOOD! Zhu Yan and FIENDISH LO ZHAN exchanged physical combat like an old Jedhan Opera, movements timed and regimented! Not a single rapid fire movement from the fat fighter could get past the bald headed chairman of a cooking competition! "Yes! Good! My victory over you will be WORTHY OF SONG!" boomed FIENDISH LO ZHAN!
"Sh... shut up!" was the WITTY RETORT from the ever chatty ZHU YAN.
CHON KOHNNER
Klatoonian fists bounced off the TONED and OILED ABS of SIR BUFF DAN DEE! The gleaming bodybuilder stumbled backwards, then raised the back of his hand to his mouth for another burst of INAPPROPRIATE LAUGHTER! "Do ho ho ho! The hound has bite to go with its bark!" With a quick fwick of his arms (and a small spatter of oil on the ground), Buff assumed a fighting stance! "Now let's see how you face my handsome style!"
HANDSOME STYLE, in this instance, was rapidly thrown haymakers! Devastating if connecting, but easily avoided by A CANNY OPPONENT!
CORA DAS
Armed as she was, none expected LADY KYUH OF FAMILY PHO to also be suddenly, dramatically armed! The central sash of her silk robe FELL AWAY and the entire thing was ripped off and used to BELT CORA DAS IN THE FACE like a blunt instrument, propelling her into the kitchen! When she recovered, LADY KYUH dropped the weaponized robe to reveal...
Holy sithspit.
Step aside, Buff Dan Dee, Lady Kyuh of Family Pho is /ripped/. Clad in naught but a BLACK LEOTARD and built like a CHAMPION POWERLIFTER, the woman followed up her METAPHORICAL FLEXING over Cora Das with LITERAL FLEXING over Cora Das! Nothing now hid the hunger for battle in her eyes!
NERYS GREYSTORM
"HEY WHOA LADY WATCH THE HAIR!" screamed out the be-suited figure of MON IMAKA! Following her at rapid pace into the small office area, he picked up a POTTED PLANT and BODILY HURLED IT into the wall next to her! "Let's fight respectably!" was the shrill holler from the POTENTIAL INVESTMENT BANKER as he threw punch after punch straight towards the IMPROMPTU FIVE-SPOKED TARGE wielded by NERYS GREYSTORM!
HADRIX KORA
Bleeding, bruised, and staggering back into the restaurant, the SLIPPERY FORM of SHAH DEDEPUDE slithered through the tables towards the little gap at the back near the kitchen (into which Lady Kyuh had pursued Cora Das!). Reaching over, he wrapped his fingers around a FRYING PAN and HURLED it at HADRIX KORA!
BWONNNNGGGG!
The CAST-IRON PAN belted the MANDALORIAN right in the STOMACH, truly an incident of FOUL PLAY in this GENTLEMANLY WARFARE. "Listen you old FART, I have to pass my MIDTERMS or I'm going to end up a LABOURER like YOU!" Perhaps words hurt more than weapons in this day and age!
GALEN DAWNSTAR
The old man looked... BORED. He ducked and weaved through the GIANT BLOWS thrown by the GIANT MAN inflicting endless PROPERTY DAMAGE with his JANKY SHORT SWORD, doing little more than STROKING HIS BEARD!
In a brief gap in the onslaught, SOLITUDE JIN raised his cane, poked the tip into Galen's MASSIVE CHEST, and PUSHED. Distance was created, and Solitude Jin YAWNED. "Again, whippersnapper!"
[ Kohnner (Chon)]
Chon turns left, then right, then left again, backing up just a bit with each swing of the Handsome Style haymakers. "You people..." Kohnner starts to say in that low growling voice of his. "You are so full of you-selves. This style. That style. Never focusing on the simplest most direct route to victory. Complicating everything. No honor, no integrity. NO HUMILITY."
Kohnner shifts up his stance, "And if you didn't understand those words. Your Handsome Style is WEAK." He presses his attack, a high kick from his dew clawed foot smashing against his 'handsome' head. He tried for another sweep but misses. However the forward kick to Buff's left leg, specifically his knee is hard and horribly powerful, connecting with the force of a rancor.
[ Cora Das (Cora)]
No sooner does Cora Das tell her lovely opponent that she will be attempting to avoid the head-and-neck region does Lady Pho strike her in the head-and-neck region with a weaponized robe. "OOOMPH!" Cora says, reeling backwards from the sudden and unexpected hit. She staggers through one of those very flimsy little kitchen doors and into, duh, the kitchen. Her backward momentum brings her back back back and into one of those stainless (dura)steel cabinets like the one the kids use to trick the velociraptors in Jurassic Park.
CLANG
Down goes the robot.
She groans and rolls onto her back while climbing up onto her feet. She rubs her gauntlet against her nose and sniffs, watching the... well, actually, it's quite lovely really... display of flexing in front of her. A glance is given to the broken ~~telephone~~holocomm piece she has in her hand and she groans. Chucks it to the ground. Tries punching again. Another three swings, but Lady Pho! She's too fast! Too buff! Too cute!
"I was thinking. Maybe after this. You might want to. Go out for caf?" Swing swing swing. Miss miss miss.
[ Nerys Greystorm (Nerys)]
As MON IMAKA came in like a whirlwind, Nerys ducked and weaved, using the wheel base like a shield, ducking and diving around the business center, clipping a chair and sending it flying, as she rolled over the top of the communal work table. Just out of the corner of her eye, a red light flashed, and Nerys held up a finger. 'Hold On. Wait a Minute.'
The red light resolved itself into a phrase 'SEND NOW?' and a blinking cursor.
What was being sent, and what lives it could make...or break, Nerys did not know. But business must flow. Surely whomever had been working at this holoterminal would appreciate it, yes? Nerys reached out, hitting enter and sending that unknown missive with the finger she had held up, before she rolled off of the desk. Game on!
As the strikes came in fast and furious(!) Nerys flipped the wheel base, grabbing it by one of the wheels, which, in typical poor quality office furniture fashion, simply refused to pop off whether you wanted them to or not. Sheer spite kept them glued into the wheel base as she spun and swung, quick hands moving as she grabbed first one wheel and swung left, then another and swung back right. Blow for blow. She was getting that hair helmet, even if she had to pry it out of his scalp!
[ Hadrix Kora (Had)]
Skidding back with the pan molding around the MIGHT OF MANDALORIAN IRON, Hadrix's gut is punched in while the plates of his armor remain IMMACULATE. The slide of his boots ending with him smashing against the buffet counter. Not just any buffet counter.
The Brunch Buffet.
Strips of roba-bacon, nuggets of tender scrambled eggs, logs of fried bread soaked in syrup and worst of all... Sparkling wine mixed with citrus fly up about him in a torrent of breakfast that could be. Meat confetti raining all around and the big man covered in sweet liquid sugar.
But yet his food remains held upright, level. UNMOLESTED in all of this madness.
<"Old!? I'LL SHOW YOU OLD, PUNK!"> Lets be honest though, he was almost twenty five when he left the Stormtrooper corps. That alone makes him ancient by their lifespans.
FWIP
A floral cascade of rich pastels envelopes Hadrix amidst the crash of wine glasses striking floor in the music of breaking when the tablecloth is yanked. Plates remain. Breadsticks, soup bowls and caf cups? All fine. But the wine glasses become his INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION!! Twisting in a pirouette with nary a sausage on his platter shifting, Shah Dedepude is found on the receiving end of a WHIP-CRACK of decorative table linin!
<"I'mma gonna spank you good, kid."> stalking forward with another crackle-SNAP, soft pink and no-one-can-be-offended orange whipping across the kid's face and again when WHIP-CRACK went his tablecloth, with a wicked backhand to rip his pants and raise welts, <"THEN I'M PUTTING YOU IN TIME OUT!">
[ Galen Dawnstar (Galen)]
Galen is pushed back sliding to a stop from Solitude's cane before he brushes his chest off where the cane was poking him before he pops his tunic out some, "Enough of that old man." He swings his makeshift expandable club aiming for the old man's wrist with the first swing before he does a solid one two on the old man's hips, "Told you not to cry to granny when you break a hip." Once the dust settles from the impacts he tosses the makeshift sword/baton off to the side the metal clattering as it rolls away and Galen reaches over to grasp the next nearest object for his makeshift weapon.. A lovely Pinot Noir vintage 1122... From a Alderaanian vintage at that. Looking at the bottle he sighs, "This expensive bottle is going to knock you silly old man. Don't make me break it over that senile noggin."
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
ZHU YAN
The fistfight was ascending the stairs! Yan moved with the grace of a MUCH LESS FAT MAN, punching and kicking high and rapidly much like an OLD JEDHAN HOLOFILM STAR. "HAI! HAI! HAI!" were his cries of assault, and his left fist scored a smarting bruise on FIENDISH LO ZHAN's FACE!
"WELL STRUCK!" erupted the DOJO MASTER, who promptly retorted with two hammerblows to Yan's chest, UNPROTECTED BY HIS STOMACH! The smuggler tumbled back down the stairs from whence he came!
CHON KOHNNER
He touched the hair.
He touched.
The hair.
When Buff Dan Dee fell, he fell with the face of fury. There was no pain, no discomfort, no haughtiness present on that CHISELED JAW. There was only a TERRIBLE RAGE. All pretense of formality abruptly disappeared under the new, twitching fury in the fighter's form! "AAARAGHHAGGHHSSHAARAAGHGHHSHHHGGLL!" was the ELOQUENT COUNTERPOINT from the UNDERWEAR MODEL, who had launched into a FLURRY OF ANIMALISTIC CLAW-SCRATCHES!
CORA DAS
"NO CAF!" boomed LADY PHO KYUU, who's making a DAMN FINE SHOWING of FLEXING all over CORA DAS! Within the kitchen was CONFINED SPACE, LITTLE ROOM FOR ESCAPE, and AN ONSLAUGHT OF WELL-DEPLOYED KICKS! Why anyone would kick in a closed space was BEYOND me, but here she was! Her leotard GLIMMERED under the bright lights of the KITCHEN, her MAKEUP SMEARING in the JOY OF COMBAT and FISTS RAPIDLY BRUISING as they came into repeated combat with the ROBO-GIRL!
"ONLY BATTLE!"
NERYS GREYSTORM
PAUSE.
Mon Imaka froze in place. There were TRADITIONS that must be followed. He MOVED NO MUSCLES until that little chime of SENT pinged, and then it was ON like GIANT APES IN BARRELS.
"HAIYAH!" screamed the REAL ESTATE AGENT, launching through one of the windows with a spinning flying fist, CLIPPING Nerys Greystorm through the targe and ACROSS THE TOP OF THE HEAD! When he popped back up, he abruptly pulled a CIGARRA from his jacket and STUCK IT IN HIS MOUTH in blatant defiance of NO SMOKING INDOORS. "Come on baby, gotta beat ya before I meet ya!"
HADRIX KORA
THWAP. "Ow." THWAP. "Ow!" THWAP. "OW!" It was entirely possible that the PHYSICAL ASSAULT being suffered by SHAH DEDEPUDE paled in comparison to the HUMILIATION. Being TOWEL-WHIPPED by an AGING MANDALORIAN was no way to maintain your dignity. How was Shah going to brag about this fight to his NOT-A-GIRLFRIEND-YET-BUT-HE-HOPES-SHE-WILL-BE-SOON later?!
An opening! SHAH DEDEPUDE caught the tablecloth and wrapped it around his wrist, YANKING it away from HADRIX KORA! With his free hand, he ripped two plates from the table, hurling one at the MANDALORIAN'S UGLY FACE (hidden by helmet to protect the children!) and HIS DINNER TRAY! Think quick, Hadrix!
GALEN DAWNSTAR
"Why not?" Solitude Jin was DRIPPING BLOOD from his HOOKED NOSE, his MOUSTACHE and BEARD picking up STAINS OF RED amongst the ENDLESS WHITE. "Nothing tangible matters, /boy/. Things come and go. The fight..." the skinny old man ripped off the top of his gi, revealing long bony arms and a nearly skeletal and yet heavily scarred frame hidden by a wifebeater, "the fight is ETERNAL!"
Hampered by his soon-to-be-broken hip, Solitude Jin launched into a FURIOUS ONSLAUGHT, throwing the cane and throwing REPEATING THOUSAND-AND-ONE PUNCHES. Alone, they lack power, together, they are but an avalanche!
[ Kohnner (Chon)]
Chon reels from the first scratch only to be caught by the second, blood seeping in lines down his chest. The third is avoided though. Scratches were not something new. He'd been in fights wit clawed beings such as himself before. Even his own kind could cause such damage. He'd the scars to prove it.
He growled as he readies his next attack, "Anger can be a tool but it also can consume. You undisciplined fool."
The Klatooinian steps forwards his mechanical leg kicking out and stomping towards that left leg he knew was injured horribly. There is a crunching sound. He stomps again but Buff reels back. Kohnner presses stomping once again, this time the fruitcake's leg at the join going in a complete 90 to 180 degree angle in the wrong way. There was no way to continue after that.
Chon Kohnner walks past him then, his white cloak swaying behind him, seeing if any of his teammates might need assistance.
[ Cora Das (Cora)]
Ah, rejection hurts.
No caf. Only battle.
Maybe it's the pangs of heartache or maybe it's a literal foot to the sternum, but Cora feels that one in... well. Her chest, obviously. She fumbles backwards towards one of the kitchen line counters and flips over it. She tries to stabilize herself and land on her feet, but she staggers backwards and lands on her knees instead. Oooomph. This is not a good day for Cora Das.
"Very well. Perhaps we can talk about it later. Once battle is over."
Cora opens up one of the drawers beneath the ovens and, in her scrounging, is able to produce a weapon worthy of wielding! A rolling pin! She springs up to her feet and slides her butt over the surface of the counter, back into the fray.
"Again, I will do my best to avoid the head and neck area," Cora announces flatly, and then starts swinging. Crack. Crack. Crack.
Okay, this is not such a bad day for Cora Das. And, to her credit, she does avoid the head and neck area. Once in the chest. Once on the leg. And once on the booty. Perhaps love will bloom on the battlefield after all.
[ Nerys Greystorm (Nerys)]
"I just had that braided!" You thought Nerys was mad before? before this? "Do you know how long the waitlist for a good hairstylist in on Chandrila?" The very heart of poncy hairstyles in the galaxy? As Nerys' head, rocked by by the hit jerks back into it's correct and upright position, she sent the wheel assembly of DOOM towards Mon Imaka's head, the full assembly clanging off of his hair, as she reached down, yanking out the guts of one of the printers, coming up with two of its four toner cartidges, blue and magenta, babyeee!
"Now you're going to give up all your secrets." Because some secrets just needed to be spilled. Nerys took a flying leap over the table, one of her feet landing and kicking up some poor unfortunate soul's expense report (possibly what went along the holowaves when she hit send?) as she dove towards her nemesis.
If one's nemesis was a beautician.
[ Hadrix Kora (Had)]
The face.
Shah had to him in the face.
Stoneware smashing on helmet, rocking his nogging backwards and forcing a stutter step that risks the destruction of all that he cares about, right now, in that platter of tasty roasted meats and savory fried tubers! Off balance, his WHIP OF JUSTICE dragged from his grip - it's a single pinwheeling right arm. One arm and a kicked out leg that maintains the safety of his food.
<"Hah! You shall forever have The Virgin Stride, welp!"> stance regained and his fist wrapped around what feels like A MIGHTY CLUB or LANCE OF DOOM, Hadrix;s arm is raised and two sets of eyes gaze down from lofty perch. Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. One a Chondrichthon creature, the statuette crafted to wear a fine sea-blue dress over her hunched and finned form. Opposite, holding their hand, an eel like sentient in a well cut suit and stovepipe hat.
Congratulations Vritazo and Bavil. Congratulations on your wedding. Your cake shall serve to remind Depude that he shall be... FOREVER ALONE.
The cake topper lodges between the temples of his glasses and the round of his orbital, then knocks them askew, turning Shah's head. <"I'LL BET YOUR 'GIRLFRIEND' LIVES IN THE FRIGID TUNDRAS OF KAH'NEH DEH!"> the cake explodes in a confectionary snowstorm of buttercream and angelfood, spinning the well read punk like a top.
<"AND I'LL BET SHE'S AN UNDERWEAR MODEL, TOO. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE HEARD OF HER!"> the flat saucer of the cakeless stand is smashed against the kid's chest, sending him flopping backwards like a stick-hoop to slam against the far wall, <"Because I don't waste my time on nerd fantasies.">
His platter is lowered, still balanced on one hand. The real victory.
[ Galen Dawnstar (Galen)]
The old man just gets a long silent stare from Galen as he just.... Shakes his head, "You're crazy old man. But you've got spunk." A long eyeing of Solitude from top to bottom, "About all you've got left but it'll do gramps it'll do." As the fists of elderberry comes flying at him Galen uses the bottle to block a few of them before he steps to the side swinging the bottle with a nice solid thunk, "Oof that's gonna stick with ya for a bit. You just got your bell rung by thousands of credits worth of old wine."
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
ZHU YAN
FIENDISH LO ZHAN and ZHU YAN were both bloodied and bruised on the stairs, evenly matched now! Both had ESCHEWED WEAPONS, instead opting to trade FIST FOR FIST! They had finally reached the top of the stairs now, and when Yan was pressed against the elevator panel, it went BING! "Your Teras-Kasi is weak, Fiendish Lo Zhan!" taunted Yan to the bald man, who RETALIATED with a lovingly-placed GUT PUNCH. Yan spat BLOOD! "Your grandmother hits harder than that!"
CHON KOHNNER
Buff Dan Dee fell like a SACK OF TUBERS, unable to walk again for the MILDLY-DISTANT future. He lifted his head and groaned in pain, then PASSED OUT dramatically!
KOHNNER WINS!
Let's get the lay of the land! Kohnner's fight hadn't moved too much from the lobby, leaving them close to the check-in desk and the front door. The closest battle taking place was ZHU YAN vs FIENDISH LO ZHAN, once again ASCENDING THE STAIRS as though CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN! Nearby in the small side corridor for offices, NERYS GREYSTORM was still locked in combat with MON IMAKA! Either could use some help!
CORA DAS
Often, in the art of dance, the position of leader amongst partners did not swap. Proper form had to be followed. It just wasn't done. So when LADY KYUU OF FAMILY PHO suddenly found herself being led around the kitchen in the WORLD'S MOST BLOODY BALLET, safe to say that the VICIOUS MUSCLE WOMAN was mildly nonplussed. The momentum had turned and she was totally off-balance! A screaming counter to the chest wasn't enough to dissuade Cora Das's unwanted advances!
NERYS GREYSTORM
Never. Ever. Damage a woman's hair. The Braids of Nerys and her resultant ANGER sent MON IMAKA scurrying for cover, puffing furiously on his CIGARRA as though it were LIFE SUPPORT. "Hey baby you know I love you, right?!" he drawled out, showing his CARE and AFFECTION with two BRUTAL LEG HOOKS! Both fighters must be tiring now, especially considering Mon Imaka's obvious RESPIRATORY ISSUES!
HADRIX KORA
CRUNCH.
Perhaps, in the annals of history, there was no more devastating defeat than by being knocked out by an ERRANT SLICE of caramel mudcake with RICH COCONUT BUTTERCREAM. But alas, that is the FATE that befell SHAH DEDEPUDE, the PRODIGY coming up against the FIRESTARTER and being smashed flat.
HADRIX WINS!
Nearby, fights continued! The OVERLY NOISY battle between CORA DAS and LADY KYUU OF FAMILY PHO continued nearby at one end of the kitchen, while GALEN DAWNSTAR beat the everloving stuffing out of SOLITUDE JIN at the other! Speaking of
GALEN DAWNSTAR
he was not out of the woods yet! Though Solitude Jin was BATTERED, BEATEN, and BRUISED, he still had a couple last tricks to play! His initial punch offense interrupted by that CHISELED MAN MEAT, he stepped back and readied both hands. "It's time, boy! The ultimate technique!"
At that moment, the RANGEHOODS in the kitchen ALL TURNED ON, and the CEILING FANS begun to spin, buffetting SOLITUDE JIN IN THE WINDS OF MIGHT!
"TAKE THIS! HURRICAAAAAANNNNEEEEEE..." he erupted, rearing his entire bony body back, then flinging himself forward in a CORKSCREWING HORIZONTAL SPINNING PUNCH TWISTER!
"FIIIIIIIIISSSSSSTTTTTTTT!"
[ Kohnner (Chon)]
Kohnner had the option to help Zhu Yan, or the relatively attractive 'human' red head known as Nerys. Someone he's worked with before on these silly and awfully dangerous adventure... He choose attractive over fat and hairy.
Pup The Space Ronin came out of nowhere with a round house, just barely missing Mon Imaki. However, it's followed up by a forwards kick sending them flying right into the clutches of Nerys to finish them. "Pay attention to your surroundings. Not how thicc your opponent is. Fool."
[ Cora Das (Cora)]
Yes. Momentum changes. Situations evolve. Cora Das gets a rolling pin and starts beating the absolute tar out of you. It's simple arithmetic, if you understand the calculus. And equations only balance in one direction. "Sorry, sister. Good fighting," Cora says, and brings that rolling pin down with two rough cracks against the back of her opponent, knocking the air from her lungs and consciousness from her skull. The weaponized robe is laid tastefully over her leotarded form and just as she's about to move towards her allies who are also finishing the fight, she spies a target streaking towards one of them for an attack.
Whump.
That rolling pin bweeeeees through the air and smacks hard against the side of their head. Flump. Cora Das sighs and dusts her hands off, moving towards where Galen is standing with his bottle of wine. She tips her head to the side as she examines it, optic drives whrrrring and memory banks comparing vintages against pricing catalogues.
"Ha! Alderaanian. -Old- Alderaanian," Cora says. She taps Galen's bottle twice with the tip of her finger. "Expensive vintage. We should drink it."
Beat.
"Where's the fat one?"
[ Nerys Greystorm (Nerys)]
"Wait until you see what my love does to your face!" Nerys was furious. Nerys was hopping mad. Nerys was also spewing blue and magenta toner in wide arcs as she came in for the attack, Puff. Puff! Gas! The fact that she had to get up twice and hope once did not help with the space dwali celebrations, no they did not, but they did add a little something (not good) to her bright red hair. As Kohnner came in with the punch out of nowhere, Nerys took full advantage, as she stuck one of the toner cartridges almost up the Mon Imaki's nose, flipping it up, and catching the cigarra out of his momentarily slack lips. Again her hand lifted. Stop.
"These things will kill you."
A sideswipe with the leftover, but not nearly spent cartidge sent him to the floor, and Nerys took a knee, pulling a dagger out of somewhere you probably were better off not thinking about. Unless you liked HoloSpaceOnlyFans, and reached for his head.
"I'm going to get me that hair."
[ Hadrix Kora (Had)]
Looking down at the fell foe that is Shah, Hadrix nods to himself before throwing his head back in jubilant, triumphant, laughter. Platter held in both hands, walking towards one of the hotel's porch areas, away from the chaos within. His helmet being drawn off and hooked to his belt just as he sits down.
A stupidly large avian leg is hefted to eye level. The true victory here. Mouth open and jammed into his massive gob to be stripped down in a single bite. A series of 'Gnamf gnamf gnamf gnamf' sounds coming while he sits back, his eyes squinted into little crescent lines indicating joy as he begins to munch and enjoy his lunch.
A delightful dining experience, indeed!
[ Galen Dawnstar (Galen)]
Galen's prepared for /anything/ And then the hurricane corkscrew fist of what in all that is holy and good is that? *POW* Galen takes a huge hit sending him stumbling back the bottle of wine lifted in his hand as he gets ready to charge back in when the old man's dropped by a third party, "Heyyyy that was my old man to pummel into submission!" No anger or malice in his voice but he does turn to face the remaining threat wine bottle still in hand although with Cora's meantion of it Galen glances at it and the bottle is assessed and decorked as he pours out a bit on Solitude before taking a swig and handing it over to Cora. "The chubby one has this right?"
[ Zhu Yan (Yan)]
CHON KOHNNER AND NERYS GREYSTORM
I'm sure that MON IMAKA would put up some resistance to being scalped had he been conscious, but being SUDDENLY DOUBLE-TEAMED by the KLATOONIAN and the CORELLIAN had left him too UNCONSCIOUS TO PROTEST! Nerys Greystorm would find that REMOVING HIS HAIR is an ARDUOUS TASK, Imaka having emptied at least six cans into it within the PAST TWO HOURS.
NERYS GREYSTORM WINS!
HADRIX KORA
With nothing for Hadrix to do, he got to eat uninterrupted. And is that not all we can ask for, in these trying times?
CORA DAS AND GALEN DAWNSTAR
In her element, Cora Das was able to POUND Lady Kyuu of Family Pho INTO THE GROUND in a manner MOST ROUGH! Though she was treated with the DIGNITY of a FALLEN PHO, Solitude Jin was not so lucky. Not having to withstand another HURRICANE FIST, the thrown rolling pin took out GALEN DAWNSTAR's opponent before he could really get going! Now, all that was left was to savour the highly expensive wine, and maybe look for Zhu Yan. Or... nah.
CORA DAS WINS!
GALEN DAWNSTAR WINS!
ZHU YAN
PUNCH PUNCH KICK BLOCK PUNCH KICK PUNCH BLOCK SHOVE!
As the elevator doors hissed open, ZHU YAN enacted a MIGHTY LEFT PUNCH towards FIENDISH LO ZHAN, the PATENTED TECHNIQUE of CORTESS FIST! This shoved the DOJO MASTER into the elevator, where Yan quickly darted in and pushed the ROOF and the DOOR CLOSE buttons! "NooooOOOOOOO!!!" roared FIENDISH LO ZHAN, unable to escape before the doors closed and his beaten form was shot upwards into kingdom come!
"That will teach you to indulge in TERAS-KASI TREACHERY, Fiendish Lo Zhan!" erupted Zhu Yan victoriously!
And that was it! Xiaojin had been SAVED by its DESTRUCTIVE SAVIOURS, racking up a mere TWO MILLION CREDITS in PROPERTY DAMAGE along the way! And who are these unsung heroes, you ask? Well, they're not important.
NEXT WEEK ON ZHU YAN ADVENTURES:
"What are you doing?! This is insanity! Madness!"
"Madness?! THIS. IS. LOTHBALL!"
Coming to your HoloNet screens at 8PM on SPBS Channel 4!
