Log:Kyber Klub Tales: Open Mic Night
Kyber Klub Tales: Open Mic Night
OOC Date: November 19, 2022
Location: Nar Shaddaa, Kyber Klub
Participants: Frexl, Tamsin Cas, Mandl, Nubri, Kirana Ryder, Jallo Dara, Meep, Tal Tazak
'Dead.'
That's the single best word to describe the Kyber Klub on a Katunda. Perhaps for the purposes of alliteration, it would be better to say that it was 'Kaput.'
Not the biggest club day, generally, except for maybe on Zeltros, the Kyber Klub has the same problem as every other large nightclub: What to do during the week. If the bored looks on the waitstaff are any indication, they haven't quite figured it out.
A Twi'lek guy in a pink bowtie is up on the stage trying to warm up the crowd with some 'banter.' If banter's one's thing, than one probably feels warmed. If not, they also sell booze here.
"... so that's why you should never invite your Mother in Law on vacation, am I right?"
There are some halfhearted chuckles from the people who don't feel warmed by his banter.
"Anyway, thanks for coming out tonight! We've got some of the Smuggler's Moon's finest, and cheapest, amateur performers here tonight! So remember to clap for them because that's the only payment they get! Ha ha!"
Adjusting his bowtie, the Twi'lek guy looks as if he's ready for a stiff drink of his own.
"First up we have... hold on... I can't read this... I think it says 'Jokings from...' and the rest of it is all in capital letters... '... THA MALASTARE MAULER!' and then there's... I think that's a picture of a baby?"
From behind the curtain, a raspy voice yells out, loud enough to be heard even in the cheap seats.
"IT'S A DEAD BABY!"
Now the Twi'lek looks even more nervous, beads of sweat instantly popping up on his lekku.
"Well... okay then... let's all give it up for... The Malastare Mauler!"
Tamsin, was, let us be honest, not a person given to comedy on the best of days, to be truthful, still, and all, found herself here in the Kyber Klub, having heard the call of a hawker outside of the club. It had been quite a number of months, or was it the better part of a year, since she had been to the establishment, but the sight of someone who might have been known to her, along with the draw of the promise of a show, had brought her in. Was she, perhaps fortunate the have missed the warm-up? Quite probably.
Nubri is already at the club, at the bar, arm in a sling, distinctly looking like she were reconsidering every single decision that lead her to this exact moment in time.
Mandl had agreed to appear as a 'contingency plan,' should the evening look to generate too many hurt feelings or patrons sore about the cover-charge atop watery, overpriced intoxicants. (Surely the owners ran a tighter ship than that...) They were dressed formally, but made no attempt to draw anyone's attention unless called to spring into action. They shadowed Dr. Cas and reviewed the menu, skeptically.
As the Twi'lek Guy leaves the stage, there's an awkward silence across the entire club. The music has been turned off, nobody's dancing, and people are already partially liquored-up. This has all the makings of a fiasco. Fiascos are generally considered to be terrible business ideas. But maybe this one will work, who knows?
It's not immediately obvious when the Dug appears, being diminutive and sneaky. But as the strange spidery creature walks out onto the stage, leaning back on those 'armlegs' that they walk on, he still in the middle of draining some sort of fizzy liquor from a stemmed glass.
They make a mean Narzumi here at the Kyber Klub...
Fortified with some liquid courage, the Dug wobbles toward the center of the stage, looking up at the microphone with dismay.
No problem, he simply switches to his smaller set of 'legarms' and stands more or less upright, the way a person might.
The Twi'lek Guy isn't the only one wearing a bowtie, though Frexl's is tied incorrectly. More just a giant knot in the center of his shirt. He fiddles with it a bit, holding the empty Narzumi glass in his other hand. His hands shaking (all four of them), the Dug glares out at the audience through his bloodshot orange eyes.
"HEY! Uh... I heard a good joke one time!"
Looking from left to right, he scans the crowd as if looking for any signs of resistance. Or any Gran.
"There was a guy... like... standing on a roof. And he had big muscles. He's up there on the roof and then..."
He pauses for dramatic effect.
"POW! A Dug comes up and PUSHES HIM OFF THE ROOF! HAW HAW!"
"This one looks alright," Tamsin offered to Mandl, as The Bithness settled in beside her, a finger pointing to one of the drinks from the menu. "How bad could it be?" Quite likely much worse, "And we always have the reserves." Tamsin patted her bag, which did have its usual medical supplies in the bag, and more useful things in the front. "That...is not who I expected." That, as Tamsin looked up to see the familiar Dug, "That joke though. Very Dug."
Mandl nods? "We'll keep the activated charcoal handy," they agree as they choose a beverage. A shrug. "Dug culture. Power-imbalance, 'punching up.' Prepare to learn new racist invectives for Gran, no?" Surely two brains can juggle multiple clashing cultural contexts without short-circuiting into prejudice. "Bith humor, as you know, is often sly mathematical incorrectnesses. Too subtle for many species to appreciate." They soldier on, or at least continue to absorb what the evening has to offer, pre-riot. (If it comes to that...)
Surprisingly, there actually do seem to be a few scattered laughs in the audience. How can this be?
Turns out, there's like five Dugs here tonight. They're up near the front, and taking a break from arguing in order to drink several pitchers of booze.
It's a bit of encouragement, but not nearly enough to stop Frexl's trembling hands. So far his voice hasn't cracked at all, but it's probably only a matter of time. After all, his Narzumi is gone.
"And another time! I heard a good joke one time... uh... there's this Gran. And he's got a lotta money, so he thinks he's so important. But then... heh heh..."
The Dug begins chuckling creepily in the middle of his own joke, his snickering interfering greatly with his punchline.
"... some Dugs come up. WHACK! Hit him on the head... take his money! Push him in the the dirt! Haw haw!"
His creepy chuckling intensifies, whether from nerves or legitimate amusement at the image of someone laying in the dirt.
"Get it? Now he don't have no money!"
Tamsin, calling over a server to take their order, at the small table not far from the bar where they had settled, made sure to order a pair of straws. if one of them went down, both of them were going to go down. It was a best friend thing. Bith Friend? Hah. See what she did there? "My father would love you." But then, what Muun did not love mathematical jokes, "Though, if they really appreciated your humour, you might find yourself an extended guest at the skyhook."
The Dug humour...did not get any better, "Well, at least he is trying to expand his horizons beyond being a mercenary for hire. A star is not made in one night."
Entering from the street are an odd trio. A young-looking woman clad in black durasteel armor, highlighted in places with purple accents, an old clone-wars era battle droid and an even older PIT droid. You might be able to make a joke out of that, but the star of the moment here is the Dug. "Watch the PIT," Kirana says to the battle droid, which offers a 'Roger roger!' in response. The two droids await near the door as the armored figure enters the club proper.
Looking around for a place to sit or stand, she offers a dip of her head and a polite smile to Tamsin by way of greeting and, selecting a table for two relatively near the stage, though occupied only by herself. She's only lightly armed - a blaster at her hip and a collapsed telescopic staff attached to a hardpoint behind her left shoulder. She sets herself down, helmet off, posture casual as she watches the Dug on the stage with a quirked brow.
Nubri looks around the bar, gulping at the Mando and narrowing her eyes briefly, before spotting the Bith and the doctor, quickly grabbing two bottles of the strongest booze she has and setting them down at their table "You'll need them." she just offers, a small smile on her face due to the sheer absurdity of the jokes
True to form, the Dugs offer Frexl the only genuine laughter he's likely to get. Unfortunately they also have a habit of shouting at random intervals, jeering, and spitting on the floor. It's a rich and vibrant culture, for sure.
Still nervously laughing at his own jokes, and fiddling with the awkward knotted mess that's supposed to be a bowtie, Frexl tries to take a drink from his empty glass. It takes him probably five seconds to realize that it's bone dry. This makes the Dugs up near the front laugh even harder.
"Hey SHADDUP! I'll tell alla youze when to laugh! This here's a classy jernt... don't need you... scutzin' up the place MA!"
The Dug's up in the front just start howling, much to Frexl's consternation.
"You always do this Ma! Had too much booze, and now NOBODY CAN STAND YOUZE!"
Frexl's mom throws an empty ale pitcher up on the stage, narrowly missing tonight's opening act.
"GAAAH! You're interruptin' my BEST JOKE!"
"Ah, thank you, Nubri. A kind gesture, to be sure." Tamsin, of course, did not drink, but she would like as not find someone who would take the bottle. If only to throw it at the Dugs. The ones in the audience, not the one on the stage. "His humour is...not to my tastes, but he is obviously trying. It's not easy to appeal to a wide range of species." The mandalorian's entry was marked with a lift of her hand in greeting, before the throwing started, "You did bring your umbrella, didn't you, Mandl?"
Near the front of the bar in its comically optimistic voice, the battle droid says for the benefit of the PIT beside it, 'Ryder's sitting near the projectile beverage containers! If they hit her, we have to start blasting!' The PIT droid responds with a series of binary clicks delivered in an admonishing tone, topped off with a little kick to the battle droid's leg. 'You dumb clanker! I'll have you scrapped!'
For her part, Kirana Ryder seems entirely unphased with the ale pitchers flying toward the stage from a few tables down. She's smirking, even. It wasn't her first time seeing a Dug, but to see them react with their feet in lieu of their hands was always something curious for the young Morellian to observe. She adjusts her posture to get a bit more comfortable, settling in to see where this Dug takes the show. As a server comes near, she selects a glowing green beverage served in a small glass with a single, spherical ice cube. Kirana nurses this drink for a time as the Dug continues to perform.
"THINK YOU'RE A BIG MAN UP THERE, HUH? Too big for your Ol' Ma? Well it don't matter how big youze get, ya STILL GOT A NECK!"
The elderly female Dug up front seems to be trying to pull something out of her purse, but is having a pretty tough time with it. Looks like Frexl was right, she's had too much booze.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna tell a joke about YOU!" The Dug is visibly angry, practically spitting venom down on the members of his family.
"The joke is... I'M GONNA PUSH YOU OFF A ROOF!"
There's silence. Total silence.
And then, all of the Dugs bust out laughing. It's extremely loud, and sounds a bit like a drunken herd of camels with razor blades in their throats.
"Aw... screwit... I need a drink anyways."
Frexl hops off the stage, into the waiting group of Dugs, and snatches up one of the half-empty pitchers of what looks like pure grain alcohol. Most of it goes all over his cheap suit as he tries to chug it.
The Twi'lek Guy practically rushes up on the stage, looking all sorts of out of sorts.
"Uh... well... hey, wasn't that something. The Malastare Mauler everyone! Here doing his first and only performance ever! Next up we have..."
The Twi'lek Guy looks a bit confused.
"Nubri? Huh. Well, okay then!"
Jallo stretches juuuuust a little bit as he walks into the Kyber Klub the visor on his helmet doing a quick sweep along the crowd before he starts to head in the direction of the bar his helmet coming off and tucked under one arm as he walks exposing face and the leather strips covering his eyes but despite the lack of vision has no issues traversing the club.
Nubri gets up on stage, adjusting her yellow tie, placing a hand on the shoulder of the Twi'Lek, whispering something ni Ryl, before offering a wide grin "Right. So... this is the Kyber Komdy night. And time for jokes. Hm. So, two Corellians get lost in the woods. One is a droid mechanic and then... uhm. Uhm... Anyways, finally one says: but what did we need that spanner for?"
Tamsin, one hand on her bag, because you never knew when you had to go ham with the hyposprays, watched the swelling confrontation between the Dugs in the audience and the one on stage, and then, it simply...ended. "Well, I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved." A tip of her head, as something seemed to catch her attention, and Tamsin looked around, spotting the tall miraluka entering the club, and she lifted a hand, gesturing for Jallo to join them. She did not bother to wonder whether Jallo could 'see' her. he had never missed her before. "Oh...this is a change of pace." Her gaze moved to Mandl, "Think we might still need the umbrella?"
As the Dug descends the stage, the battle droid looks down at the PIT, saying, 'See? I told you it would be fine.' Though it has no capabilities of facial expression, the look that the PIT gives upward at the battle droid can very easily be interpreted as it going: '... really?'
Kirana relaxes a bit further in her seat as the acts change, the Dug climbing off stage and the Mirialan replacing him. This time the quirk of her brow isn't out of amused interest but rather surprised fascination. She sits up a bit, having a small sip from her drink as her chestnut brown eyes watch the Mirialan with a degree of interest. Even after the joke that's told is nothing short of baffling, Kirana seems interested in finding out what comes next at least.
The fuzzy little figure of Meep stands in the doorway, arms raised. He holds aloft his stuffed wookiee plush toy, letting himself be 'patted' down by one of the bouncers. Once it's clear the little scavenger is indeed.. .completely and utterly unarmed, he is allowed entry! Meep trundles in, tucking his stuffy under one arm as he begins to make the rounds, peering about for anyone he might recognize. "al..." he calls, though his voice hardly carries in this establishment.
Mandl's wattles constrict, alarmed! "My what? It's-- ohhh. Yes, my 'umbrella.' Of course." They wonder aloud: "Is your drink too weak? We could always just stun-tip one another as sobriety threatens to overtake us, but I didn't know you were that kind of date..." To what degree a Bith groks sarcasm and gallows-humor is debatable, although those who've known Mandl long enough surely espy improvement.
Nubri stops "Right. So, then there is a Wookiee. And he signs up with the Republican Army. But he speaks no basic, while the general is due to show up. So, another wookiee pulls him over and tells him that every time, the general asks three questions. How old he is, how long he serves and at which battle he fought. And then he crosses the street and gets into a bar, talking to a tauntaun behind the bar. And that is how he ended up with a dozen carp... wait. Did I just mix three jokes up?"
Now that he's in the audience, with a prime spot up near the front of the stage, Frexl is instantly more comfortable. Being up onstage is very stressful, especially when you're bombing and your mom is heckling you.
"Haw haw! I get it! The Wookiee's way bigger than the General! Then what happens? I bet he's gonna kick him in the NERTS! HAW HAW!"
One can always count on the laughter of simpletons. For whatever that's worth.
"I can take a surprising amount of damage, that's true, Mandl, but perhaps wait until after we've finished the drink." Which had only just arrived, but did come with two extra long straws. Nobody wanted to knock themselves out while trying to enjoy a libation, certainly not the two doctors. "I...am rather missing the Dug." Tamsin did not linger on this, "Are you going to save them from themselves, Dr. B'rot?" Someone with comedic timing, surely, must be in the audience.
Jallo smiles a bit when he spots the wave from Tamsin returning the wave with one of his own as his course adjusts over towards her table offering a nod towards those gathered, "Fine evening. And the jokes are just to die for aren't they?"
Little Meep wears his large Life Day Tophat proudly, the amusing sight of a top hat bobbing amongst the crowd is no doubt comical. The Teek's even mistaken for one of the performers! No, he will not dance or act cute for photos! Meep wanders nearer the front of the crowd, figuring he could get better spot to watch as he begins to climb up onto one of the seats nearest the stage. "apywootierh, eserhadew!" he claps his paws together, not understanding a single one of them.
What interest Kirana took in the Mirialan was gone by the time the waitstaff came back around to refill her green glowing drink. "Thank you," she says and offers a small cred-stick tip, takes the glass in her left hand and sips from it lightly. While the commedienne continues to perform, Kira's attention moves to her droids near the door. She intended to make sure the PIT droid was behaving, so it came as a bit of a surprise to find that it was the PIT who was being reproachful toward the battle droid for one reason or the other. Her head shakes slowly in consternation. Drawing her datapad out, the Morellian's gloved finger glides across the screen to pull up a stat-sheet she'd left on sleep move, refreshing it for an information update, and, grunting to herself, powers the device back down as she looks toward the stage once more.
Mandl probably mumbles something like: 'Duty calls...' and smooths their head-covering into place as they *tappa-tappa* their way toward the stage! "Spotlight, maestro!" They practically evacuate their seat as Jallo sits, so Tamsin has no time to feel unaccompanied. *Tappita-tappita-tappa-tippy-tap-tap* they move closer, trying to time their journey better with the lighting technician?
Nubri stops "So, there are three steps to putting a Mirialan in a fridge. Open it, shove her in, close it. Then there's four to getting a tauntaun in there. Open, pull Miri out, put tauntaun in, close..." she starts, before being interrupted by Manl, seeming relieved at her rescue finally as she steps down "EVERYONE, WELCOME DR. B'ROTH and HIS PHD! WHICH IS A DANCING DOCTORATE!"
Tamsin, not at all bothered by musical chairs, waved Mandl off as he stepped off on his quest to save the evening, lifting a hand to rest it a spare inch or so above Jallo's forearm. Either she was not a toucher, but still wished to show some familiarity, or she had developed her own way of greeting the conventionally sightless mandalorian. "Always good to see you, Jallo. I believe you came at just the right time. A true professional is taking the stage." She gestured to the two still full bottles of alcohol on the table, "Feel free. A gift from the establishment."
The Drunken Dugs didn't seem to think the show needed any improvement. After all, they're drinking pretty heavily. It's a wonder one of them hasn't ripped another's arm off or... whatever it is that Dug's do for entertainment.
But as the Current Comedian hurriedly departs, the Dugs start getting rowdy.
"HEY! We paid for a full ticket and it's only been fifteen minutes! Somebody better..."
But the complaint gets drowned out amid general approbation from the rest of the crowd. Sure, Bith Dancing isn't a universally-appreciated art form. But... this guy's got moves like Solo.
Jallo looks over as Mandl heads off to the stage and gives a shrug sitting down, "I think they're all professionals so far. I can't say that their profession is comedy though." He looks over the bottles before he pours himself a glass, "Don't mind if I do."
The performers are losing Kirana's interest and it's likely that they have until she finishes her drink before she gets up to gather her droids and leave. There's a tournament later tonight after all. Another sip from the green glowing liquid within her glass and her attention is diverted to a Bith, dancing and flourishing within a literal spotlight. The Morellian's brows furrow in bewilderment as she observes this new act. Her hand comes up for another sip of her drink and she looks behind herself to see how the rest of the crowd were taking the show.
While the Bith continues to dance, the armored woman comes to her feet finishing off her glass before placing it down on the table. She looks for Tamsin, finding the Firrerreo and offering her a dip of her head by way of saying goodbye. Approaching her PIT and battle droid, she asks of them, "are you two ready?" She reaches for the helmet attached behind her hip and slides it over her head, twisting it slightly to lock it in to place. The battle droid offers an informal salute, stating: 'Roger roger, Ryder!' Kirana nods, saying, "Good. Stay close to the PIT. We're headed back." The trio approach the door, which slides open, and they step out in to the street.
"I do love a fine display of Bith flexibility. Did you know, Jallo, that Dr. B'rot still holds the title of Dancemaster of Nar Shaddaa? I was there the night he accepted the crown." Perhaps not at all the sort of thing one expected from a Bith, and certainly not a Bith who served as the galaxy's preeminent geologist, but, the evidence was being displayed before the crowd. Tamsin lifted a hand, farewelling Kirana, offering, as the woman departed, "A Kora adjacent Mandalorian, but of Clan Ryder." Though, it was likely Jallo already knew the young woman.
Upon emerging into the club, Tal pretty much does a double-take at the place, looking back over his shoulder to the door to the heavily-graffitied industrial street back out that way, then back to the blue carpet and corridor ahead. He heads further on down a moment after, out to the big open space and the people gathered there, and his attention flickers about, taking it all in with a sort of open curiosity, dancing Bith and all.
Meep gives a little clap as Mandl finishes his set! Once aquaman makes his departure, the Teek is following behind.. ish. Sliding out of his seat, Meep turns and begins trundling towards the door once more. The Teek navigates his way through the forest of tall people, trying not to get stepped on or punted as he makes that last blurring dash for the door! Freedom!
Jallo glances as the other Mandalorian heads out and shakes his head, "I.. Well yeah nevermind the way she was walking she's a pretty solid melee fighter." He looks back over to where Mandl was getting their dance on and grins, "It certainly appears that they're extremely flexible."
The Twi'lek Guy wanders back on the stage, looking way less sober than he did at the beginning of the night. This must have been pretty stressful for him, what with the failure and the flop sweats and the threats of violence.
Drink sales have been pretty spectacular though, at least per capita. So maybe there's a silver lining to this cloud of farts after all.
Slurring his words up near the front of the stage, Frexl is mutually supported by two of his relatives, as they make their way toward the door. A slight breeze would probably make them all fall over. But before they get there, the Malastare Mauler pauses, and raises his hands.
"Hey! Hey... Hey! Waitasecond... lemme tell you a joke I heard one time..."
His relatives look pretty wasted, but they give him just enough encouragement to continue.
"You know the Chancellor? Well... what was Chancellor Calrissian's name before he learned how to fly his ship good?"
The Dugs shrug.
"CRASHDO!"
Looking at one another, the Dugs frown. They don't get it.
"It is not just their fingers." Bith were know to be fine flutists. "I have actually been urging him to hold another dance off at The Pulse. I would even be willing to be the silent sponsor for prizes." Tamsin, happy to allow Jallo to enjoy the alcohol, sipped her own drink, as Mandl completed his set and then stepped aside to refresh himself, before the Dug came out with a zinger. "That one...that one was almost funny. Perhaps all he needed was a bit of practice." And a lot of liquid courage.
Turning to observe Frexl for a moment, Tal snerks out a sudden laugh at the punchline to the joke, then goes on to comment, "More my style of humour than I should probably admit." He slips further inside, gaze tracking over the stage and others about, before he avails himself of a drink - whatever happens to be going.
