Log:Hung Like a Hapan: Queen Mother's Fluffers

Queen Mother's Fluffers

OOC Date: February 6, 2018
Location: Transitory Mists
Participants: Defiance: Zhu Yan, Rosh, Sajin.

Sajin is just learning or relearning how to pilot so he's ridding shotgun on the Redline. Other's may bein the hold, sleeping, and what not or otherwise preoccupied. They managed their first jump into the Transitory Mists. At their destination, a pocket in the blinding nebula like gases, the seem to go unhindered. Now they needed to calculate their next jump. Sajin does what ever the Hapan has to do to activate that Chem thingamajig that Q had given him to help him navigate through the Mists. "Okay... just give me a second." He closes his eyes tight, his face turning red. He's concentrating really hard... or taking a space poo. Which ever. It's all good.

"If you're enjoying yourself," declared Zhu Yan, leaning behind him to look at the squinting face of the Hapan behind him, "then please make sure you clean up afterwards. Also, ew." The Redline, being a YT-2000 model from CEC, was a bit unique in that the cockpit could only really comfortably fit two people. The pilot was up front, and the copilot/navigator/whathaveyou was behind and above. The pilot yokes were more like those seen in TIEs than anything, a definite aftermarket replacement seeing as the originals didn't exist when Yan found it. One of Sajin's screens was broken. And the entire ship reacted by jumping with the slightest movements when flying at half speed or below, which is awkward when top-speed of the thing left A-Wings in the dust. It's a miracle anyone other than Yan could fly it. He was lazily weaving the ship through the nebula, avoiding parts he thought were particularly leery, as though this were nothing. Technically it was. He'd outrun a black hole, ferchrissakes.

Rosh has managed to doze off in one of the seats back in the lounge. It's been a long day for the Ubese bounty hunter. He's cut off /so/ many heads today, it must be said. And then he had to argue with a lot of BHG representatives about the state of those heads. Like I said; long day.

Suddenly there is a realization. "Ahah..." He plugs in a bunch of numbers into the broken screen. Beep Beep Bwoooop. The coordinates come across Yan's screen and they launch into another Hyperspace Tunnel as soon as Zhu thinks it's appropriate. It's only a few moments before the jump out again into another pocket in the Mists. Though this time they're surrounded by a number of derelict craft. Stipped and burned out. This was some sort of massive boneyard in space... or someones treasure trove hide away in the Mists. Great place to hide it was. "Oh... oh, I don't remember this..." That wasn't a good sign.

"Yeah, soooo..." Yan murmured, trailing off. The YT-2000 cockpit gave him an absolutely wonderful view of the carnage that had taken place out there. "We're in a graveyard. I don't like graveyards." The Redline weaved gently through the wreckage as Yan scanned the area. Both with eyes and sensors! "Ten credits says tr... hol' up. Got something moving." He pointed out the view-screen. "There. See it?"

"Ei, you're supposed to be good pilot, eh?" Rosh says, stepping into the cockpit and looking around. He loops his thumbs through his gun-belt and peers out of the viewport. "Ei, you two see that?" he asks, gesturing to a mechanical-looking lump out in the distance. "Could be trouble."

This poor Hapan is squinting as Yan points out the creature to the fore of them. "Oh yeah I wonder what all that..." Sajin isn't able to finish as his eyes widen a bit. "That's..." A Flocks of Mynocks is now heading towards the redline. The flock so huge that it might as well have been one giant effing Mynock. Then Rosh announces his discovery, "There's something aft of us too... can you tell what it is?" Though the immediate threat was the Mynock flock heading straight towards them. This was Yan's ship, he gave the orders.

"Get to the quads, gents. We're going skeet shooting," instructed Yan, his voice icy-calm. His hands danced over the controls, activating and deploying the heavy ion cannon from its concealed mount in the ship's port mandible. He flipped up a little protective cover on the yoke and pressed down on the button, sending one-two-three bolts into the incoming cloud. "Ten credits to the most kills for the ones left," he added on.

"Get to the what?" is Rosh's question to the pilot. "What is 'quad'?" He looks around the cockpit, picking up a Sar Yavok bobble-head and giving it a look. "Is this, eh?"

Rosh doesn't fly much.

"The guns, Rosh... the GUNNSSSS!" Sajin says as he does his best to dial up the information regarding the next jump. This stuff wasn't here when he was last through over 15 years ago. They had to be in the right place, /had/ to be. Meanwhile, Yan's blast takes out a good chunk of the flock. Enough that it pushes away, some smashing into a Derelict and sending to spinning into a another. Debris goes everywhere, though the shield should protect Redline from the smaller stuff, the fin of an old Lambda Shuttle goes hurtling towards the cockpit. Meanwhile, the Mynock flock redoubles it's efforts and heads back towards the rusted bucket of bolts. A sensor blip comes up on Yan's sensors, a ship powering up engines out there and heading towards them. It's a faint signal though. Low enough for Mynocks not to care next to the juicy readings of The Redline.

Even Zhu Yan's mad sick skills couldn't stop that spiraling Lambda fin from crashing headlong into the cockpit. More accurately, the cockpit's shields. He jinked when he should have juked. "Hold on!" WHUMPH! The shockwave carried throughout the ship, sending things and people flying! The Redline careened off into the distance, gyrating like a dancer at the Twi'lick, as Yan fought the controls and cried out in frustration. "Rosh! Quad laser turret! Go to the middle! Climb up or down! Shoot!"

"I don't do that," Rosh says, shaking his head at the Hapan and the "Corellian". He leans against the bulkhead and slides a datapad from his long coat. "Might...uh...experience interruption, chatou?" He runs a cord from the datapad into one of the Redline's terminals. He taps away at the small device, pausing every once in a while to run some calculations in his head.

A few choice keystrokes and the Redline's systems flare up. And then the lights start to flicker. This cycle happens for a few more moments before, out in the distance, the approaching shuttle's engines flare to life. Bright, juicy life.

Sajin does his best to work through the computer menus that he can't see because the screen is broken. He mashes buttons, even smack the thing, but nothing works. He certainly cold not concentrate on the gilding with all this nonsense going on. "Sithspit..." He hisses, getting up from his seat and heading back towards the guns. He clings to the bulkheads as the Inertial Dampeners attempt to compensate for the gyrations The Redline is currently experiencing. The Mynock Fleet makes a pass on the old YT-2000, a few of the herd attaching themselves to the hull during the out of control spin. It wasn't the biggest deal but there was still more to deal with that could cause more immediate problems. The ship to the aft Rosh hacks into blasts forward, their reactor charging. The Mynocks halt, flying back and forth between the two ships. They don't know where to go! The ship that was slowly following them, stalking them, is now identified as the QUEEN MOTHER'S FLUFFERS, a YT-1930.

"Don't disrespect the ship!" cried out Zhu Yan, even as he tried valiantly to recover from the spin the ship was in. Or, more accurately, kept it there. "You disrespect her, she disrespects you!" The Redline was a temperamental beast, and it took a lot of work to make it look like it was completely out of control when completely under control. He stifled a laugh at the name of the incoming vessel. Oh lawd. "Sajin," he said over the controls. "I'mma make the Redline drift." And whilst talking he was easing back on the spinning, slowing down, and carefully pointing the Redline's ion cannon at the ship in a way that looked like the completely accidental dying throes of a stricken ship. "Then I'll blast them. Then we can rob them."

"Ei, you'll be fine," Rosh says, deadpanning at Zhu Yan. He taps the side of his helmet a few times and aha's. He hrmms and squats down, tapping commands furiously into the datapad. Moving forward, he leans over Zhu Yan and plugs the datapad into the main console. "Excuse me," he says, sending a wave of mean out through the Redline's sensor dish.

The incoming vessel slows to a halt. But sensor readings report that the poor, now-listing YT-1930's reactors are still at full blast. It's probably a party on the inside.

Sajin stops at the turret well and looks back to Yan, "Rob them? You mean board them with the Mynocks out there?" Then Rosh moves past him and does his technical mojo. Though all this goes over the dumb but overly beautiful power armor wearing custodian's head. He turns his head to look out the view-port to see the other ship's engines redline (lol). The Mynocks stop their dance of indecision and fly towards the YT-1930 smashing into the thing and attaching them selves. There is a plan deep in the recesses of Sajin's mind but it poofs like a fart in the wind. Though maybe someone would have a nice idea when it came to all the Mynocks being on the enemy ship and the capabilities of an Ion Cannon...

"MINE!" WHUMPH! There went the Ion Cannon again, striking the YT-1930 and promptly frying the bejesus out of the thing. It was a long shot, but it was a good shot. "Take that, schuttas!" bellowed Zhu Yan, slapping the control panel and being met with beeping red lights in the panels next to him. "Oh no I didn't mean it baby I'm sorry I'll never mistreat you again I promise I promise..."

Rosh slides the datapad away and pushes against Yan in an effort to stand himself back of straight. He pats the man on the head and asks, "Chatou. What we do now?"

The Ion blast is dead on. Electric tendrils fly across the YT-1930, frying its computer systems and ionizing all its hardware. The engines die and so therefore is the ship. The Mynocks, so enthralled in carnal hunger were the unfortunate victims in all this. The Ion blast frying them all and killing them. The few that are left on the Redline could be removed simply by polarizing the hull plating. Sajin scratches the back of his head, "We could board or we could continue on our way. I got half the coordinates in my head. Just need a moment to concentrate. I mean they could have friends or possibly called for backup."

"Look," said Yan, turning around in his chair and coming face-first with Rosh's crotch area. There was a moment of extremely awkward silence before Yan retreated, faced forward, sighed, and turned the other way. "I have a new big gun. I want to test it on some pirates. Let's raid the thing. It'll keep you from looking like you're with a two-credit hooker every time you try and use that noggin of yours." Looking forward again, he carefully guided the Redline towards the YT-1930's boarding hatch. "So it's time for some shooty shooty."

"Ch'yie," Rosh says, sliding his dual DL-18s out of their holsters. He gives the pair of them some Ocelot-y spins and moves to follow after Zhu Yan. "Hope we don't die after I was such a hero."

Sajin grabs his own pistol from it's holster, "Two cent hooker." He frowns, "What I had to do in the past just to eat..." He stops there, "Nevermind. Lets get this over with. You can have my cut of what ever is on board Yan. It's your payment." He waits by the hatch so Yan can dock them with the now dead in the water ship.

Docking with the enemy vessel was trivial. Yan connected the seals as though he'd done it a dozen times before. Content that they weren't going anywhere, he rose from his chair and went to his bunkroom. The door was sealed for a couple of minutes. There were the sounds of "Ow," and "Sithspit," from within, then Yan emerged in his full body armor, hoisting a big space-FG42 with him. "Big guns!" he declared, his voice a bit staticy through the helmet filter. "Ready up chaps," he announced, then hit the hatch release.

"Eat my bis'gyu!" Rosh shouts (as much as an Ubese can), running through the open hatch. His twin blasters bark to life, sending a trio of bolts toward the XO. Two of them hit and send the poor man reeling backwards. Into the breach!

There's something really odd about this particular crew of Hapan Pirates. Other than being escaped males which is very common, the rare thing is that the lot of them are dressed in BDSM gear. Leather, chains, and bondage masks. It's a damn nightmare on the QUEEN MOTHER'S FLUFFERS. Through the returning fire blasting against the hatchway, Sajin pushes through opening fire on some of the lowly crew. The Captain, a hefty and domineering man with really large nipples, both pierced, cries out in agony as his First Mate and probably gay lover bites the dust from Rosh's advance. He aims his blaster and the Ubese and puts a scarlet bolt in him. Yan and Sajin manage to evade. Sajin levels his DL-44 and with a calm look pulls the trigger, one head shot... on to the next... two head shot... three. The submissive crew are not coming down for breakfast.

Zhu Yan racked the charging lever on the side of the gun menacingly and the light repeater rifle whirred to life. He placed the thing to his shoulder and marched inside behind the other two, whom had gotten in there and made a real mess of things. Well, perhaps it was already a mess. Yan was too busy aiming at the big man wearing naught but leather straps and a Captain's hat and pulled the trigger.

WHUMPH.

The sound of the DL-18s and the DL-44 were loud, but the TA-16 was something else. It sounded like a turbo-laser had gone off in the room, and the muzzle flash was a blinding red. Behind the man a console promptly exploded into fiery pieces. Lucky it hadn't gone through the hull! But still, that meant Zhu Yan missed. "Sithspit."

"Augh!" barks Rosh as a blaster bolt catches him in the midsection. He slumps against the bulkhead and slides down to his butt, lifting his blaster pistols. Pewpewpewpewpewpew. He fires off as many shots as he can before his arms fall down to his sides and he decides to just sit there, his helmet thunking back against the wall.

The Captain of the YT-1930 widens his eyes as Yan pushes through and blast the console and wall behind him. He ducks and rolls only for Rosh's blaster bolts to land square in his back and send him against a wall. The Hapan (Butt)Pirate lets out a groan of agony just managing to get to his leather covered knees and points his blaster at the biggest threat... Yan. He misses handedly before collapsing to wheeze against the deck plating. Killing him would be mercy at this point. Sajin covered his ears as he was facing away from Yan. He crouches and ducks behind a crate thinking the ship was exploding. Only a moment later does the Defiance Hapan raise slowly from his cover to inspect the scene...

That's it! Zhu Yan has had it with these mother-kriffing butt-pirates on this mother-kriffing butt-mobile! He stalked over to Mister Captain-And-Not-Much-Else, put the big ol' smoking barrel to the man's head (ignoring the scream the man made from the searing metal) and pulled the trigger. The man's head went off like a hand grenade. There was a moment of silence, bloody, detritus filled silence, before Yan's voice emerged from the unreadable helmet. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

All appearance of badassery dropped, he sprinted to where he assumed the refreshers were, tugging at his helmet as he went. Good idea, Yan, blowing up someone's head when you don't have the stomach for blood and gore!

"I did it," Rosh says, nodding slowly and accepting his role as the hero of this mission. Well-deserved, Rosh. One of his blasters is slid away and he reaches up to press a gloved hand against the smoking hole in his stomach.

Unlike Yan, Sajin disengages his helmet right there in the cargo bay and hefts lunch all of the floor. He's a loud vometer and what ever her ate sure does smell coming back up the other way. He takes a moment and wipes the spew from his mouth before putting away his beloved DL-44 and moving to Rosh. "Let's get you to what ever medical thing we got available." Where ever that was. They won the day, though. Other than the ship Yan could salvage... unfortunately the only thing these boys had on board was fluffy cuffs and dildos... oh and a nice stash of very rare and exquisite Hapan wine.