Log:Defiance: This is Worse than Usual

This is Worse than Usual

OOC Date: August 6th, 2017
Location: No One Knows
Participants: Stavros, Kasia Ciph, Sapphira Tavers, Tarion Tavers, Hex, Raim Shah, Naelyn; with Nyla Forr and Jehni'va Cihn as GMs

When Defiance parties too hard, things can get out of hand. Kasia rocks a pantsuit, Raim hustles in a ballgown, Sapphira gets in touch with mother nature, Naelyn takes a ride, Nyla is a trooper, Tarion finds love, and everyone saw Hex naked.

Life is a chaotic, messy, and confusing ordeal at the best of times. At the worst of times, it's blearily coming to in a strange place, surrounded by strange beings, and wearing strange clothes. The cavern is bathed in moonlight - maybe it was a sinkhole back when this place developed, leaving a wide tunnel-like opening that heralds a view of a giant, red moon and a sky awash in starlight. There is a small spring that bubbles up, surrounded by moss and a beautiful variety of fungi and weedy plants, all hungrily stretching towards that opening.
It would be much more serene if any of Defiance could remember how they got there.
There is a collection of debris scattered around the waking place of the DBAGs, the most notable of which is a severely damaged holodeck - maybe someone can get it working? It might have some clue as to what the kriff happened.
As far as location goes: it is obvious that there is no to be no scaling of the massive, rocky walls that lead to a starlit freedom, but there are two tunnels that offshoot the cavern: one on the left, and one on the right.

Stavros's eyes open slowly. Lying on a thick bed of moss, which feels awfully _organic_ for a place to sleep, he is looking straight out the top of this cavern, right at that red moon. He turns his head to one side, then the other. He sits up, and with a slight scraping of the gold enameled along the cloth hanging from his thong, he pulls himself upright, rubbing the lengthy, thin black scar running the width of his left ribcage, just below his ribs.
His fingers meet something else metal, and he looks down. Tied tightly against his pectoral muscles is something meant to contain curves more voluptuous than the Zeltron has, also enameled with patterns of golden metal.
The Zeltron's red skin and short blue body hair are on full display, for he is wearing a golden bikini. Yes, just like _that_ one.

Who are we? Is there a purpose to life? Where are we? Okay, it's mostly the last question that's in Kasia's mind when she comes around and finds herself sprawled on the ground, a hand lifting to rub at her bleary eyes. She blinks a few times, nope, that doesn't help, none of this makes any more sense than it did before. "What is-- what?" she asks, but it's mostly to herself, because she's not yet aware that anyone else is here. Slowly, carefully, she beings to push herself upright, which only makes things even MORE confusing. What she's wearing definitely isn't hers, it's a pantsuit made asymmetrical by the fact that one arm has been torn off of it. It isn't by design, either, loose threads dangling where the sleeve once was. It's green, and fitted, a lot more fitted than her clothing usually is. Also, there is a bowtie. It's pink.

Sapphira Solari seems a little lost. She's here, and she's upright, but that's about it. Her bare-footed steps move across some moss-covered ground in the moonlight; she's paused just in a beam of it and is staring up blearily toward the sky through the sinkhole. She looks like some fairy, or some sort of woodland creature. She's wearing a loose-fitted 1970s dress of rich purple; long bell-sleeved but shoulderless and fluttering down to her ankles. Because it is so loose, the only shape of her that can be seen is where the dress is held up by her braless breasts. Her red hair is left down, curling about her shoulders and down her back, with a crown of small, tight florals braided in around her head. She's a flower child. A hippie. A free-boobin' free spirit. And she's dazed, blinking her bright green eyes as she just stares up at the sky.

Tarion's eyes slowly creak open, bloodshot and bleary, peering up at the red moon hanging large in the sky above. He slowly eases himself up into a sitting position from the dirt of the tunnel floor, sinkhole floor, whatever, running his hands down over his garment. It's silky smooth, expensive embroidered fabric. "...is this cashmere? Who wasted money on- krif, what if it was me," he slowly mutters, with increasing horror. "Did /I/ spring for cashmere?" The horror! His legs feel nice and free, airy, and that's because he's not wearing any pants; just boxers. They're not his, either, because they're a little baggy and it's established canon that he likes his tight.
"There's got to be a way out," he decides to himself, ignoring everyone else and their stupid ideas and their stupid outfits and making straight for the nearest wall. "I can't be like this when the death squads find me here." His fingers scrabble at the wall, eventually finding a tiny handhold, and he starts to ascend, painstakingly performing the impossible, rising a good- eh, maybe five feet! above the others before his hand slips, his legs stretch, his boxers tear, his body falls, his lungs puff, and his eyes squeeze shut, slowly curling into the fetal position in the dirt and moss. "...send the death squads."

Somewhere on the floor near Kasia is a large, synthetic lump that vaguely looks like a cartoon Gungan. It is in fact an enormous mascot suit, with the mascot's mascotty body wearing a little shirt that says GERWIN'S GUNGAN GUNS AND GADGETS. It is totally immobile, until abruptly it stirs to life, the head pops up, and a smaller green head and pair of trailing, tattooed tentacles emerge. It's Hex, of course. "What the kriffing crotknocker," he mumbles, and forgets he's mad at Kasia (he's mad at Kasia) long enough to ask her indistinctly, "Babe?"

Darkness. Slight pain. Stiffness, maybe? "Rrrghh." The tinny, almost robotic voice. Off to the far end of the cavern, not on the soft moss or within light of the red moon, a figure rustles awkwardly. "What. The... fuck?" comes the same robotic voice. The human, by the looks of it, stands, staggers, and steps into the light. Storm Trooper. The bucket head turns left to right and pauses. "What's going on here?" the trooper demands in a haggard voice.

There are many things about this area that don't make sense. Scratch that: none of this makes sense. By now it will be clear that they are wearing some weird ass clothing and that there is no easy way out of this place. Also, there's a Stormtrooper. As their eyes adjust to the light, some items may appear visible to the befuddled Defiance members who have come to on this weird hunk of rock. What happened? What planet are they on? Why don't they remember anything?
Who knows? Who cares? Buckle in, bitches.
As mentioned previously, the only visible exits come in the form of two tunnels: one to the left and one to the right.

Stavros rises to his feet (naturally, they're bare), and looks around at the others with slowly-escalating disbelief. He keeps waiting, but the memories of what led here just aren't coming back. "Maybe if we keep drinking, this will all- take care of itself," he mutters. At Kasia's oh-so-snug outfit and Sapphira's completely _not_ one, he snerks, a laugh marred by a serious snort. He pinches the skin of his forearm, and fails to wake up.

Oh thank goodness, there are others here. She's not alone. Kasia's relief is interrupted by the sight of Stavros in a golden bikini, but the soft laugh that bubbles up at the sight of him is cut off by a started squeal as the synthetic lump of something beside her begins to move. "Hex?" And we've circled back to relief again, as she's forgotten for the moment that she is mad at him (she's mad at Hex, guys!) She scrambles to her feet and moves over to help her husband up to his feet, holding out both hands, but the hands drop before she helps him at all, and instead steps around him to snatch a datapad up from the ground before it can get stepped on. With that done, she returns to Hex, holding out just one hand now. The other hand is trying to hold the datapad, and try to push the button or whatever to see if the device will come on. She's multi-tasking like a boss.

Sapphira isn't multi-tasking. She isn't even tasking. She's just there, staring up at the moon. Unlike the others, who came awake mentally after they awoke physically, Sapphira seems to be doing it the other way around. Whatever's knocked them out still has her a bit .... spacey, for lack of a better turn. So she just watches the moon with an empty-headed smile on her lips. The ripping of Tarion's shorts cause her to slowly turn her head, half-curious, to see her ex-husband's bare ass peeking or hanging or dangling from the fabric, however the case may be. She frowns lightly, drawing her brows together, before looking back to the sky. That look of peacefulness returns to her features. Of the two moons, she's made her choice.

Tarion slowly pulls himself upright again, pulling the short cashmere robe with the silk lapels down over his torn boxers to conceal the fact that the seat is entirely ripped out of them. He spies something in the moss, something shiny, and plucks it up immediately, only to find a soft, squishy, plush Hutt with a tiny golden crown on its head. The bounty hunter stares into its radiant glass eyes and petulant frown, and breathes "What an adorable Hutt. You're calming me right down. I'm gonna call you Soothey. Soothey the Hutt." And then he stuffs him under his arm, never to be separated again.
A stormtrooper appears, however, and distracts Tarion from his new friend. "THE DEATH SQUAD!" He leaps into motion, flying toward the broken-looking holocomm and ripping it from the earth, charging the trooper like a bull moose with the holodeck/comm outstretched before him so he can hold onto his new buddy.

Hex closes his eyes, lies back and thinks of Ryloth, waiting for all of this to resolve into something that makes sense. It doesn't. So he sighs, and starts to search for zippers or other fastenings on his ridiculous mascot suit. He slowly emerges from it, awkwardly, like a baby reptile hatching from its leathery egg, and pauses for a moment to tear off the thing's little GERWIN'S GUNGAN GUNS AND GADGETS TEE. He then accepts his wife's one hand up, and warns her, "Watch out, I'm buck ass naked and nothing good is about to happen." Man, if she had a credit for every time she heard that. Warning thus issued, he drops the suit, and he is indeed buck ass naked. He's green. He has a cybernetic left leg to the knee, and tattoos down his back that seem to match the patterns on his lekku. Dad bod for days. The mascot's shirt is employed as a loincloth in the name of modesty, but this is still no doubt traumatic for everyone. "Kriff my life," Hex sighs, though his next move seems better, snatching up a rifle from the ground nearby and raising it towards the trooper. "Take off your armor and-- Ryma'at! Tavers! You dumbass!"

Rolling over on the hard earth of the cave floor, Raim Eelpuncher Shah blinks slightly in confusion, one glowing scarlet eye and the other a vivid piercing yellow staring up at the cave ceiling in obvious confusion. This certainly was not where he remembered falling asleep.... though Rheisa could have been up to some tribal foolishness and turned his high rise into something off of Shili. He sits up with a groan, the hard cave floor having made his damaged body stiff in all of the wrong places, and only then does he catch sight of what he is wearing.
"What is this!" Raim growls in frustration as he pushes himself up to his feet, one a small protocol droid like foot, while the other is a janky three toed bird foot. Cascading down over his torso and bunching weirdly around his cybernetics is what would be a beautiful ball gown, were it on someone else. On Raim, it bunches weirdly, gripping his chest and hourglassing in before it becomes a nightmare bunching around his bird leg. Raim places his hands on his accented cybernetic hips and glares around at everyone in the cave, "Which one of you fools made the mistake of drugging me and putting me in this? Was it you, Tavers?"

The storm trooper side steps the charging Tarion with surprising ease. The bucket turns to watch him shoot by, Hutt buddy in tow. "The hell!" the tinny voice modulator barks in a shrill voice. The trooper's face turns to Hex and the armored person staggers back with a noise. "Oh my gods." The Trooper says. "/Why/ is Hex naked?" it asks, somehow knowing Hex's name. But, hey, the troopers probably have Hex wanted posters all over their base, right? "Like /hell/ I'm taking my armor off and joining in your nudist party." Instead of shedding armor the trooper stomps around and looks at their surroundings before looking down and realizing that they /have/ armor on. "Wait, what?"

Like the lead-in for a horrible, dirty joke the Defiance crew in their ragtag gear fumble, mumble, and stumble around their cavernous prison. Will they decide on a tunnel and try to make their way out of here like the galaxy's most kriffed-up 'choose your own adventure' or will they all die in the beautiful, reddish glow of their moonlit enclosure? Who knows.
With Tarion's charge of the "Stormtrooper", the holodeck clatters to the ground, mashing some combination of buttons which does, actually, trigger a response. Trying to replay whatever message was last left on it, a crackly, static-laced, gangly, blue figure flutters to life. The majority of the message seems to have been lost in the damage, and the precious seconds that are left on it don't do much to quell the confusion.
"I'm sorry!" Jehni'va Cihn, holofigure, blurts out like a broken record player. "Sorry, guys!" It blinks in and out. "I'm sorry!" Static. "I'm sorry, guys!"

The Zeltron in a gold bikini makes his way towards the left tunnel, watching his step so he doesn't stub his precious toes or impale his precious feet. Stavros says, "Cut it out, guys. We're not getting anywhere in here. Hex, why- never mind, you have a gun. Let's go scope this thing out, eh?" He points toward the leftmost tunnel, then puts his hands on his hips and taps his left foot. "Come on. You seem to be the only one with a real weapon, so- go in front. I got your backside, no worries." Had to slip that in, didn't he?

Kasia does her best to try and protect Hex's (total lack of) modesty, or maybe it's an effort to protect everyone else. Whatever it is, she tries, but there's only so much of her and people are all around. While he fashions his loincloth, she tries to get into the datapad, but by the expression on her face, it's not going well. "Will someone hel--" Aaaaaand Hex is pointing a weapon at someone, a trooper. SHIT. When did a trooper get here? She's still not entirely with it just yet, stepping back so that she's slightly behind Hex in case he needs to fire. "What is going on here? What--" And then there's Jehn on the screen, apologizing over and over again. This does not make things less confusing.

Stormtoopers, guns, asses, oh my! And yet Sapphira is oblivious to it all. She just stares at the moon, her face lifted toward the sky and her eyes closed as though she were basking in a warm sun. She even lifts her arms to either side, palms to the heavens, as if to summon mother nature itself. As if she //is// mother nature herself. She opens her eyes, grins, and spins happily. The skirt ruffles up around her knees in a circle, and her bare feet keep carrying her round and round, even amidst all the insanity.
Perhaps it's Sapphira's almost entire lack of experience with drugs and alcohol that has her in such a state, where everyone else seems to have been able to shake it off.

"Oh, it's on," is Tarion's reaction to the holodeck spitting out 'Sorry guys' over and over, and the bounty hunter, easily distracted in the best of times, and perhaps running on some drugs of his own, immediately drops to a pretzel-seat on the ground and starts fiddling with it, pulling the side panel open and connecting things that look like they ought to be and pushing on the buttons in random order. Something seems to be working, because it starts hissing vehemently before it pops, stutters, and ticks. "Give me another prize, magic box," he whispers, closing his eyes reverently. "ANOTHER, O Box o' Jehn, speak to your wayward children."

"I'm naked because I can't go through this in a Gungan mascot suit, ok ka!" Hex answers the trooper, though he does lower the rifle. For Naelyn's benefit: All he's wearing is a shred of a t-shirt that says Gerwin's Gungan Guns and Gadgets secured around his waist like a loincloth. There is too much leg being shown. There is too much everything being shown. "I've only got enough ammo for three shots, people, after that this becomes a melee weapon. If we're lucky we can save one stun shot for Jehni'va. Tarion, get your busted ass up off the ground, we're not wayward children, we're defiant children. Kasia, if we die here, please remember I want to be burned and not buried, and your ass looks great in those pants. ...And I'm sorry. Raim, if Sapphira doesn't move with us, please terrify her. Everybody good? Ok." He picks a tunnel and heads that way.

Raim is clearly not happy at all with his current state of attire. He stands with hands on hips, and only as he spies everyone else is similarly dressed in crazy fashion does he sigh audibly and accept this as just one of those consequences for consenting to throw in his lot with Hex. You know... like losing his legs. Reaching upward with a blue hand, Raim runs his fingers through his hair before he begins to move along in the direction Hex is heading in, his janky bird foot grating against the stone floor loudly.

There was a lot of pressurized blue cream in metal canisters and something sparkly and snortable...that is what the slender dancer can remember, stretching an arm over his head and rolling his hips as he stretches a leg up, back arching and...ratty moth eaten brown robes draping his - back up. His eyes fly open as he falls out of the arch back onto his back and sits up rather quickly. The sephi's hair is worn simply, parted down the middle and worn in two french braids that fall down his back and he wears...a pair of moth eaten drab brown robes. There is something discovered in this moment...Naelyn looks ever so much younger without a full face of make-up. He stares out towards the red moon and the starlight, a hand fluttering to his mouth as he takes a deep breath and then another.
It only takes him a few moments to slide his robe up exposing a unitard covered thigh and further up a bit, hand disappearing as he feels for something...and then lets out a shaky exhale. "Oh thank the goddess...still there." Then he's pushing himself up to his feet, smoothing down his robes shaking his head as he turns around in a circle. Give him a second, he's eyeing the holodeck of Jehn apologizing now.

The trooper's head tilts at the dropped gun before looking back down at itself. "Ok ka your ass," it says in a stiff voice. The chestpiece of the armor rises and falls in an obvious, steadying inhale of air. The trooper pats at its belt and grumbles. "Of course." The white, ghostly armored figure strides forward. One armored hand points at the holodeck. "We're going to kill her," it announces firmly. "And where iun the seven goddamn suns are we?" The trooper looks up, considers the left tunnel, and Stavros gets a nod. "Let's go."

So, now that everyone has seen Hex's junk...
Tarion's tinkering yields some success on the damaged holodeck, and another small blip of burnt, corrupted data is clawed free to reveal a little bit more of that jittery message. "Don't -" Jehn's skipping image hails. "Whatever you do, don't drink the -" and then it stops again and replays it all over again. "Don't... Whatever you do... Don't drink the...*bzzrt*... I'm sorry!... I'm sorry, guys!" On a loop. Well, that's vague and annoying.
To the left of their new dwelling, the tunnel that Stavros pointed out is mostly dark, but further in there is a soft, yellow glow that emanates from somewhere beyond the curve. What mysteries does it hold?!

Stavros paces along next to Hex. Red and green, side by side, marching forward to a better tomorrow on an old-school propaganda poster. Propaganda is myth, though, and Stavros's attire and Hex's lack thereof are very, very real. "Glowing is good, right?" He continues walking. He considered stealth, but given these people following him, that would likely be a lost cause.

"I know," Kasia replies to Hex softly on the first part, and to the second, those words are repeated. Of course her ass looks great in these pants, they look great in all pants. Except maybe mom jeans. No one looks good in those. "I'm sorry, too." He moves, and she follows, pausing only long enough to see the addition to Jehn's message. Super helpful. A few quick steps are taken to catch her up with Hex, the datapad still tucked beneath her arm. "Does anyone else want to try and get into this?" she asks, because she's tried and failed once already, and it might do something crazy like lock them out after too many failed attempts. "I wonder if we drank whatever it was we weren't supposed to drink?" No stealth here, sorry Stav.

Sapphira, the free-boobin' free spirit, continues to spin in the moonlight, and even lets out a few pearls of laughter. At last, she stops, looking off at the group as they start to move toward the tunnel. Hex nearly naked. Stavros nearly naked. Tarion's torn bare ass. "Oh, are we going skinny dipping?" Trippin-balls Sapphira asks, and begins to wiggle out of her dress right there in the middle of the moonlight. "I'll catch up!" She promises, happily.

"We always drink what we're not supposed to drink," Tarion observes, following along behind Hex and Stavros, completely tuning out everything else. His smoking jacket covers his bare ass, barely, and he's got a plush Hutt with a tiny crown cradled in his arms like his own child.

"Ka, I am willing to bet we drank the Don't Drink It," Hex sighs agreement with Kasia, as he proceeds down the left tunnel with the rifle at the ready, currently set on stun. "This is still Jehn's fault." He seems no stranger to moving through caves, but he's Twi'lek, they're very cave-dwellery for a species that seems like they're gonna have a bad time hitting their heads on low ceilings. "Naelyn?" He pauses a moment to look at his butterfly-turned-moth, and blinks a little. "Are you okay, you look sick," he asks, like every dude who's ever seen someone without makeup, then continues, "Can you get into that datapad Kasia's got?" He takes said datapad from his wife and offers it to Nae, then continues heading cautiously toward the golden light, like a bigass stupid green beetle right into a bug zapper.

Raim slows in his loud following of the others as he notices that Sapphira is remaining behind. He lets out a slow sigh and frowns as he turns back to watch the woman beginning to strip out of her attire. The look on his face reads as completely and totally aggravated as he lifts his hands to tug the breast containment portion of his ball gown back up under his arm pits before he stomps back toward the woman. He angles himself in such a way that should she look at him she will see his glowing eyes as he begins speaking in ever rising volume until he is yelling at the woman, "Sapphira, I realize that you are caught up in all of this ridiculous affair, but I swear to you that IF YOU DO NOT MOVE YOUR ASS I WILL MURDER YOU AND LEAVE YOU IN THIS CAVE! GO!" Spit flies from the Chiss' lips and he lifts his janky bird foot to slam into the cave floor dangerously close to the woman's feet.

Naelyn's face lights up in the way you cannot see when its airbrushed to perfection and he smiles almost sweetly upon seeing Hex and familiar faces, waving his hand a bit and taking a few steps forward to follow after them. He pauses though to self consciously move a hand to his face and then lowers his eyes almost shyly as he accepts the datapad and shakes his head. "I think I am having a dream...sometimes I have dreams like this. But usually everybody is missing their -" He stops and sort've kneels down near Hex, pressing closer to the floor to look up at something. "Okay, nope. It’s still there..." Then he gets to his feet and looks to Kasia. "It’s okay, it’s still there." Then he looks down to the datapad and his fingers start flying over the device, narrowing his eyes. "It’s a tracking program." He looks up with wide eyes, blinking all innocent like before Raim is being absolutely terrifying and there is no pause, Nae is standing there for a moment and then he's jumping/climbing up Hex's Back and clinging like a spider monkey, clutching the tracking device and closing his eyes tightly.

The storm trooper stalls, glancing back at Raim and Sapphira. "Hurry up!" it demands. "You fall behind, you're dead." Again the trooper pats at its belt. "Where is my blaster?" the chirped voice snaps. "Did one of you take my blaster?" The trooper beings to slog after the others, wagging its stupid helmet in disapproval. Maybe this kinda thing is just common in the First Order.

So, yeah: this looks bad, and it's probably Jehn's fault - but at least Hex, Kasia, and Jehni'va are all terribly, terribly sorry. Perhaps, at the end of this (if there is an end of this), they emerge a grown people. A unified people... Or not. Probably not.
The tunnel the confused, angry, and intimidating members of Defiance now wander down narrows considerably, forcing them to walk single file (or piggy backing) in the Claustrophobic confines. Don't worry though, it does open eventually to reveal another cavern in this bizarre, underground maze.
But this time, they're not alone...
For those perceptive few among them, there /is/ something of interest: something of /terrifying/ interest. It's a Ssi-ruu, scary-looking and rarely seen sentient velociraptors. This one is fast asleep, curled comfortably on a rocky overhand; he is wearing a flat, beret-style hat squashed over a skull not meant for hats. While his anatomy makes pants difficult, he wears a long, cream-colored tunic, belted at the waist beneath a dirty, brown jacket.

Stavros is ready to blame whoever he sees for their situation. Jehn isn't here. No one in their right mind would put _themselves_ in this situation. So clearly, the sleeping velociraptor in a beret is the source of their problems. "This guy might have answers," he says, before trying to launch into a flying tackle and then grapple the dinosaur.
It doesn't take. Was it the lack of during the push-off? Was it the lack of coordination? Maybe the thong is too tight. No, it's definitely too tight. He falls on the rocks next to it, and promptly assumes a 'hey baby' pose lying on his side with his elbow under his head- in case the thing wakes up.

Kasia passes off the datapad to Hex, so that he can then pass it off to Naelyn, so that someone competent with tech can access the thing. It's impossible for her. IMPOSSIBLE. She slows and turns when Raim goes in full intimidation mode, but she's not going to stick around and see if he actually murders anyone, or it's likely that she assumes a murder isn't actually going to take place. "Hey, do you--" she begins, pointing up at the raptor lookin' thing on the ledge, but then Stavros goes to attack it. Or... seduce it? Huh.

Oh, it'll wake up. What could sleep through Sapphira, screaming as she flees from the sight of Raim and his anger? Running naked, carrying her flower-child dress over one shoulder like a cape as she flees. She was far enough behind the group not to get caught up in the line of the narrowed tunnel, which means she's able to keep running right into the large cavern, one arm crossed over her chest to keep from ... ya know. Bouncing. "Raim's a Chiss!" She shouts as she runs in the blindingly pale nude. "Droids are turning into Chiss! Raim's a Chiss!"

Tarion, close behind the leaders, notices the dinosaur with the beret as well, right before Stavros decides to leap at it and then move in for a snuggle, or something. The bounty hunter isn't sure what his plan is, but he rolls with it. "Ayyyy there sweet sexy scaly mami," he greets, climbing up onto the ledge as well and channeling Sugg, the most seductive man he's ever known. "That beret ber-rares your assets something fierce." His hands start undoing the tie of his smoking jacket, slowly pulling it open as he sashays his hips from side to side, followed by a booty-pop. Look at him now, Kasia, your protege. "The male strippers you ordered have arrived."

"Tracking? Naelyn, good tracking or bad tracking? Jehn tracking or strangers track-- aah!" Hex teeters off balance for a moment as his lil bro is suddenly climbing and clinging like a spider monkey. He doesn't actually seem to mind, and in fact travels several paces more this way, carrying Naelyn like a sassy brown backpack. "It's okay," he promises. "I mean, I don't got pants or a real plan, but it's okay." And there's Stavros, who heard reptiles need something hot nearby in order to wake up, and there's Sapphira, blindly streaking for no reason. "This is worse than usual," Hex remarks conversationally to Kasia and Naelyn, waiting to see what their poor beret-clad companion will do with all of this. Tarion adds his own flare to the situation, and Hex adds to his other two companions, "I have enough shots for all of us three."

Raim growls and grumbles in an extremely cranky way as he stomps along after Sapphira's running nudeness. He hefts his dress up frequently as he navigates the tunnel, though the narrowing portion gives him a bit of trouble. His bottom half is wider than normal due to the big bird leg, and his dress snags. "Damnit," Raim curses under his breath as he heaves on the dress and tears it. "This infernal thing is tearing. Can nothing with this group of people just be normal?" he grouches as he heaves and tears the material enough to break free, teetering wildly on his legs as he tries to regain his balance and slams into naked Hex, Naelyn, and Kasia before falling on his back, the bottom of his dress flying up. "Just shoot me," he grumbles.

The trooper shuffles awkwardly as it moves, hunching it's bulky shoulders and nearly tripping over Stavros. "Gladly," it grunts as it offers a hand out to Stavros and not noticing the reptile on the ledge. Instead the trooper just stares, unmoving, at Tarion Tavers with its hand hanging in the air. "I'm gonna hurl. You think this helmet has cleaning systems for that?"

The Ssi'ruu stirs, momentarily disturbed by the failed attack. It's tail twitches, dipping over the rock ledge. The strange, long tendrils that snake out of its nostrils rise, flicking around inquisitively. Finally the Ssi'ruu lifts its head and opens it's large, golden eyes with pupils no larger than a shard of glass. "Issssth?" the creature inquires as its head moves from the fallen Chiss to Tarion. Slowly the pupils widen and it's long, jagged and sharp tongue flicks out of its mouth to run over the scaled, red lips that match the rest of its body. It makes a sound. A /pleased/ sounding sound. The Ssi'ruu pushes up, revealing its large bulk of muscle.

Naelyn is clinging to Hex's back, avoiding lekku squishing and opening his eyes in time to see naked Sapphira, and then Tarion and Stavros trying to take his job! He looks over to Kasia and then back at the scene, then tho Hex and back to Raim and then back to the scene. His expression is somewhat troubled. "Why are they doing /my/ job...." That is Nae speak for 'oh no them hoes didn't....' as he looks back to the device, seeking sanity in technology. "Just tracking I think...someone should fetch Sapphira, I am making a note to get her some bronzing lotion and...it might be good to um, keep going down the tunnel."

Things are weird, and they just keep growing stranger - but what more could be expected? The cavern is smaller than the first and certainly contains much less visible appeal; but what it lacks in aesthetic, it makes up for in hot, heavy, scaly lovin'. Obviously, everyone is having the time of their lives down here.
Thankfully, there isn't much by the way of choice as far as 'where next' - there is only one tunnel - but at the moment that is of little concern. This lethargic and, now aroused, Ssi'ruu seems to take priority right now above the 'trooper, the locale, and (of course) the outfits and lack thereof. Happy Sunday, guys.

At the sight of those teeth, and Tarion's evident success at arousing the lizard (surely this has nothing to do with the Zeltron), Stavros pushes himself up with his arm and propels himself forward with his feet, assuming that continuously-falling posture runners use to maximize their velocity.
He does not want to find out what Ssi-ruu lovin' looks like. Maybe the velociraptor appreciates the chase? I mean, he _is_ a raptor. At any rate, what lies ahead can't be worse than what's behind, and Stavros, for one, is heading for it as fast as he can.

Kasia is sticking close to Hex, because he's armed and dangerous, and she isn't, and things are just getting weirder. "I have no idea what's going on," she admits, glancing over at Nae as he hitches a ride on her husband. "Maybe this is just a dream?" She reaches up to pinch her own arm. Nope, it hurt, probably not a dream. Damn. She turns in time to see Raim falling Raim, trying to jump out of the way to avoid getting fallen on by the half-mechanical man.

As for Sapphira, her white ass is now leading the pack, and she disappears ahead of everyone else as she continues her run toward ... what is she running toward? Or from? Really, this is just a bad, bad reaction from whatever it is they all drank. Damn girl needs some tolerance. So she'll run, naked, bright red hair like a mane fanned behind her until she disappears.
Somewhere, somehow, this tunnel will end. And somewhere there will be an exit. And it is there Defiance will find Sapphira, sleeping and using her dress as a blanket, as innocent as a babe.
Do drugs give hangovers? Sapphria's going to find out, when she finally wakes up.

Maybe those teeth are scary, but Tarion wants that kriffin beret. "I need to feel your scaly heat," he whispers, wrapping his arms around the raptor's muscular neck and pulling him closer. It's cold. "You ain't got no scaly heat," the hunter mutters, flummoxed by this development, but neither does the creature seem to mind. The bounty hunter reaches up to pluck the hat from the monster's head, plopping it down on his own at a jaunty angle and giving a rakish grin. "You're not gonna hurt us," he insists confidently, wriggling his body from side to side and starting to back-step down toward the edge of the ledge. "You're gonna show us the way out, and then we shall make love."

Stupid sexy Tarion! Hex continues to stick with Kasia and Naelyn, rifle ready in case someone needs to get shot... but so far he's holding fire; limited ammo and Tarion is killing it anyway. "You know, he's doin' you proud though, ka? He's doin both of you proud. I've never seen a man with ripped shorts and flawless confidence. He's a gem. I'm not gonna pay him extra, but he is."

Raim lays there on his back, the dress flipped up over his waist which he furiously tries to get down over his cybernetic parts. "This is just ridiculous," he mutters from his place on the ground while trying to roll over and get his legs beneath him to try and get back up to his feet.

"Usually when I spend more than two hours with Hex, I also no longer know what is going on." Granted that is probably because they are high but that is besides the point. Naelyn, still has not let go, eyes focused on his tracker datapad, occasionally he does look up to see C-Threepiho run after the white side of the moon while Bootilicious is over there trying to create his own porn holo, and the poor poor Blueman is laying on his back like a beetle trying to roll back over. He looks between Kasia and Hex. Then back to his data pad. Sniff. Sniff. "Hex, does your neck sweat smell like burnt toast or am I having a stroke?"

The trooper has seen enough. More than enough. "Good luck with... all of that," it murmurs and brushes past the group, making after Sapphira. "I'll find the streaker!" And away it trundles.

The Ssi'ruu is not complaining as it's beret is plunked off and adorned by the sexy man in front of it. It rumbles out in a coo of a noise, bending its head back and looking Tarion up and down with carnivorous lust. The beast nods in some sort of mute understanding. And then, because it's a /goddamn space dinosaur/ it lunges forward and wraps at Tarion without getting a good grip. But it curls around Tarion's space and eyes the others with a growl that clearly says 'this is my mate, you hussies. Stay away.' Then it stands to its two hind legs and starts down the same way that Stavros went.

The tunnel Stavros now rockets through to avoid that sssweet lovin' opens to another cavern like the previous routes. But Stavros, in his haste, misses something important: the 'puff' of a large mushroom, hidden in a crag, rocketing free a cloud of spores - it's probably nothing, don't worry about it.
There is something special about this new cavern: it opens UP! Or at least the ground is sloping in that upward direction and the signal from Naelyn's datapad grows stronger, affirming their lover-lizard's sentiments. There are three tunnels out, so it's good that they didn't kill their lizard guide and Tarion's new husband.
And for the love of space god will one of you assholes help Raim up? The man doesn't have a dick, throw the guy a bone.

Tonight has been unreal, so Stavros has no particular reason to doubt his senses. What would he compare it to? He continues sprinting- and then he's dodging something only he can see, with an expression of mixed terror and joy. "She's so beautiful," he says longingly- as he ducks. "Frakkin' spiders, go back to hell!" His pace has been seriously hindered- if taken in hand, he might even make it to the right tunnel and exit.

Kasia is definitely not going running off after Stavros, at least not unless Hex does, because again, he's got the gun, and Tarion has taken on a raptor lover. This cannot end well, it just can't, there's going to be shooting at some point. If no one else helps the poor robot turtle that is Raim, she does step away from the Twi'lek long enough to lend a hand and help him to his feet. Once he's there, she'll hurry off after Hex, quietly hoping he's not found anything horrible to eat while she was gone.

Tarion just follows along after his new heart-mate, the raptor he will one day ride into battle, no doubt, which happens to be in the direction of Hex and Stavros, noting the disturbance up ahead as the Zeltron begins to rave. "Sounds like that is not good. My dino-pal will protect us, though." He's still got his plush Hutt under his arm.

Hex is holding his grip on the rifle and keeping a wary eye on Tarion's new dinosaur lover, things I never thought I'd write, but anyway. He seems to be relaxing the longer everyone's here and not dying, but then Stav runs off. "Stavros, wait!" he calls after his light red friend, but then, HEY, that mushroom caught his eye. "Naelyn! Is this edible?" Hex asks, forgetting that from circumstances unrelated to the here and now, he's not meant to be eating. Obviously he breaks a piece of mushroom off, and eats it. His eyes dilate rapidly. He drops the rifle. Clatter! One hand makes a little gesture like he might be trying to swim. Someone please help him.

As Kasia moves over to help Raim up to his feet, she likely gets an eye full of cybernetic penis, but Raim is at least trying to get his dress pushed back down to restore some modesty. Before Kasia can run off after Hex, Raim pulls her hand around to look at him. "I. Hate. This." he says to her with an expression of deep sorrow, almost as if a single tear will track down his cheek. Afterward, he lets go of Kasia and hustles along after her and the rest.

"I...okay..." Kasia is helping Raim, a stormtrooper is going to retrieve the nude person, Tarion has found new love, Stavros...is fast....Naelyn is mentally analyzing things as they move forward and he keeps watching the datapad. "No, Hex, Stop. Don't eat that." Is uttered all monotone and distractedly, he is used to being ignored. Then he is jostled from his comfy death grip cling and his eyes widen before he calls out. "Hex you caaaan do it! I know you can, swim that way...." He points in the right direction. "Keep your head above the water!" A pause. "Or whatever you are swimming through," A horrible though crosses his mind and he looks back to where Kasia would be and then back down to Hex's head. Nope, erasing from brain. "Come on....we are almost there..."

The space dino lowers its head, flicking its attention back to Tarion with keen interest to make sure the man is following. It opens its mouth to reveal sharp teeth and huffs out a hot, smelly breath before motioning towards the correct tunnel. It lifts, regarding the tripping balls individuals with a curious look. Best not to eat those at the moment it decides and snarls a warning at Tarion to /stay away from the mushrooms/. The Ssi'ruu spins to trot into the exit. Come along snacks and significant other!

They follow the lizard and Nae's datapad will continue to tell them that this is, indeed, the way to... Whatever they're tracking. They twist. They turn. They take fork after fork in the cavernous road... And then they're out - the world suddenly opening before them... But maybe it would have been better to die in the cave. They find themselves abruptly perched against a solid drop to a tumultuous ocean below. That cave system opens out off a fucking cliff, you're welcome.
But hope is not lost. "Where have you /been/?!" A voice! Jehn's voice...? It barks out of... Tarion's stuffed Hutt. The receiver inside must have been blocked by all the earth and stone. "Why didn't you activate that tracking beacon? We had a /plan/, guys! Sorry - just glad you're all okay." The roar of engines heralds the Hotbox's arrival, entry ramp opening towards their ledge as the ship hovers precariously before them.
Okay, roll jump! Kidding, I'm kidding.
A Stormtrooper dragging a nude Sapphira stumble in behind them, and Jehn's eyebrows shoot up. "Nyla? Where did you - the hell happened to you lot?" The pilot greets them, having left Pickle to keep them hovering. "Did... Oh no." Realization dawns on her features and she pulls her ornate pilot's goggles (the ones Nae gave her) up onto her forehead. "I /told/ you guys not to drink anything they offered you! Did you at least..." She sweeps her gaze over the Deflings and breathes a sigh of relief as she sights the datapad. "Okay, cool. Towels are in the bathroom." She focuses on Hex, Tarion, Raim, and Sapphira. "I don't want any of your butt sweat on our ship."
Thus, in varying states of undress and tripping balls, the Defiance crew survive - what may possibly have been - the strangest ordeal of their lives.

Hex butt sweats on Jehn's ship. He also throws up like 40 times.
Hex is your boss and there is nothing you can do about it except cry yourself to sleep.